Summer Question Answers

Hello Readers, Followers, Bloggers, Friends and Strangers. The last day of Summer has come (and gone, for most of us), and so it's time to post the
SUMMER QUESTION ANSWERS.
I guarantee you will find this a most interesting collection of responses, thoughtful, provocative, compassionate and passionate. Please enjoy them and please post any comments you want.

The SUMMER QUESTION was:
Same sex marriage. Should it be legal or not? If so, why? If not, why not?


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Good question, in which everybody should have an interest as bellwether of our freedoms. Married couples enjoy upward of 1400 benefits under state and federal laws that unmarried ones do not. If a couple chooses to be married, regardless of their genders, prohibition is discrimination, pure, simple and cruel.
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Ah, what a hot, sticky question. I was raised in Southern California. I lived in Hollywood. Nothing could shock or annoy me. I've done things that would definitely shock and annoy everyone (let's leave it to the imagination).
Two gay people should have every right to live together. They should be entitled to spousal benefits. BUT (here's the inevitable "but") I personally think gay marriage is ridiculous. Somehow I still believe that marriage, in the traditional sense, should be intended solely for a man & woman.
Most marriages are so screwed-up anyway, that adding gay marriages to the agenda would only further complicate things. I definitely don't think gay couples should be allowed to adopt children.
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I can understand both sides of the issue, but - when weighing the scales - I'm against gay marriage. I don't think it matters what the sexual orientation of the people involved. Why would gay people getting married affect my marriage? My neighbor's marriage has no bearing on mine, and neither does the marriage of my cousin and HER wife..

And, as studies have shown, children raised by gay couples do just fine, as shown by the University of Virginia and George Washington University who published the study "Parenting and Child Development in Adoptive Families: Does Parental Sexual Orientation Matter?
If a marriage is screwed up, it's not because two men or women want to get married-that's just ridiculous. I might not like someone's car, or house, or choice in music, but that's THEIR choice to make and live by, not mine.
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It's not my place to judge what other people do....I wouldn't want someone judging me or telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing. Treating all people with respect would go a long way in making our world a better place.
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Absolutely. It's a matter of civil rights. Marriage is a civic institution, not a religious one.

The example I always give is that Ken and I were married in a local restaurant (former Studebaker mansion), with a local government official presiding. There were no religious trappings or mentions whatsoever. Yet we are legally married. Why? Because we filed for a license and obtained one from the government.

If we'd gotten married in a church, by a pastor, but we hadn't obtained that license, we wouldn't be legally married. The government must not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation.

It's coming. Decades from now, people will look back at this and wonder how we ever could have discriminated against our own citizens in this way.
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Absolutely Yes. It is a civil rights issue.
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Homosexuality has been with us since time immemorial. These behaviors will be with us until humanity dies out.

If having the title of "marriage" as a way of describing a committed union between them makes homosexuals happier, then so be it. They should have all the rights and responsibilities that heterosexual unions have. (If queers molest their adopted children, prosecute them just like fathers who molest their daughters.) I would go further and say that common-law unions such as what I have with Marva (30+ years of co-habiting should mean something - mind you, we're already registered as "domestic partners" in NYC) should be treated with the same dignity and legal respect as those who have been to City Hall and/or have had their "marriage" sanctioned by some "legitimate" religious authority. When was the last time a Satanist presided over a marriage, homosexual or heterosexual? Would the state recognize that marriage?

Dana, we're dealing with a lot of petty, self-serving, self-righteous, "God-fearing" people. (I don't fear something I don't believe exists. Would I fear a vampire, a werewolf or the Easter Bunny? I fear a person with a loaded gun in his - it's usually a man - possession staring at me menacingly, e.g.an NYPD officer.) Social Security does not want to make survivor payments to those whose unions have not been sanctioned/ratified by the state. No money for common-law or queer survivors, right? Marva and I could always get married but we have chosen not to up until now. I guess we'll have to play the game if the survivor wants to get anything out of SSA.

One last thing: I use the term "queer" because so many of them proudly refer to themselves that way. "I'm a member of queer nation. I'm proud of it and I'll never let you heteros forget it" Gay Pride marches: when do I get my Straight Pride days?

I do not use the term "nigger" because that usage seems to be reserved exclusively for African-Americans to use it as much as they want to and wherever they want to. What hypocrisy. I can remember being in a production of Big River where the director and many cast members decided to remove the term "nigger" from the book of our production. Samuel Clemens would be laughing at those righteous sorts today who've tampered with his Adventures of H. F. The term "nigger" will be expurgated from our dreadful history of slavery. No one ever used the term, Dana.
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Yes, I think same sex marriage should be legal. Another question (in my opinion) is who should be allowed to have children...there should be an IQ test! Ignorant people should not be allowed to marry and procreate! Maybe there should be a law passed to require an IQ test before conceiving a child. I'm sure there are many stable intelligent gay couples who would make fine families and many disfunctional straight couples who wouldn't..
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Hi Dana,
Wonderful piece! I've been pondering your question. I've decided that our country is the land of the free and don't believe anyone should be treated differently because of race, status or sexual preferences. As a mother even though I do not have a homosexual son or daughter it would distress me if he/she would not be allowed to express his/her true self.
While I am not gay and believe strongly in God I think limiting and not respecting others beliefs and feelings are what cause wars. Just like black people have been given finally all the rights of white people and women given the rights of men I think the time has come to grant gay people the right to be recognized and have the same rights as straight people.

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"same sex marriage is a misnomer. there is no such thing"
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I feel that marriage is a contract, and should be open to anyone who wants to enter into it provided they are of the age of majority. I think same-sex marriages should be legal in all states, and commend the state of New York for their recent decision to recognize this basic right of ALL people. I don't care for the arguments that quote scripture, as they are irrelevant to me as an atheist. Furthermore, stating the purpose of marriage is to procreate is a null argument as well when considering the number of single parents (for whatever reason, divorce, teen pregnancy, etc). I find it fascinating that so many people feel the need to apply their mores and values on other people they don't want or care to know. In this day and age of enlightenment people need to accept the fact that being gay is part of a person's biology, and denying access/ due process because of this is unconstitutional. When we say the pledge, "And justice for all" means all people, not just the ones we like because they think like us or look like us or worship like us.

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I think same sex marriage should be legal. Many people are against it because they are overly religious or just afraid of the unknown. Gay and lesbians are humans like the rest of us who are heterosexual, with the same hope and desires for a happy life. Being gay is not a choice. I am not gay but have known many gay and lesbians and know that this sexual preference was something they could not help. One of my friends, a lesbian, almost killed herself when she realized she was gay because of her religious upbringing.




Humans need love and security to be happy and for many gay people, just like for many heterosexuals, they want to love one person and be able to live with that person legally and have children. I knitted a baby blanket for my daughter’s gay friends who adopted a baby, they will have another in the fall. This child could not be loved any more by heterosexual parents. Plus, really, so many heterosexual parents are not very good with their kids, they abandon them, don’t educate them properly or abuse them. Another point is that about half of marriages end up in divorces, so why do they say that if gay people are allowed to marry it will hurt marriages? Less and less people marry anyway.




I think if a person loves another one they should be allowed to marry, adopt or have children somehow (lesbians can get pregnant) and live their lives with the person they love – get old together, share their hopes and joys. What is life if there is no love? Love is above sexual preferences.





I know in this country, which is uber religious, that they say it is against the Bible. I have several Bibles around here together with many other religious writings. I am not a Christian and never was – never was anything really because I was brought up in secular France – I might say I have Buddhist leanings. But from what I read divorces are a no-no in the Bible and people still get divorces. People here choose the parts in the Bible they like and disregard the ones that are not so nice, and there are many – like stoning unruly kids.




I lived in San Francisco for 10 years when I came to the US from Paris. My first apartment was on Nob Hill in a 95% gay building. At my wedding my best friend, who was gay, gave me away. Actually I found my gay friends to be more tolerant, intellectual and funny – well read too than many of my other friends. It would hurt me to think that they are not entitled to the same rights as me. In a country which says the government is neutral, that there is separation of church and state, there should be absolutely no reason why same sex marriages are not allowed. It is not the government’s role to see who is in the bedroom.





I did not think about this too much, so it is not well written, but to sum it up I am for same sex marriage. I’ll tell you one more - I am for polygamist marriages if it works. I worked with guys from Kuwait, Dubai and Saudi Arabia and their father had several wives – if the wives are OK with it and they are treated fairly, then who am I to say that it is wrong? Mohammed said that a man could have 3 wives – so if they are Moslem, why not? I am against people who want to force the rest of the world to be like them – our time on earth is short, let us all be happy.

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I pretty much don't believe in any marriage, same sex or otherwise.
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I am very proud to be a Canadian. Under section 15 of our Charter of Rights and Freedoms “Every individual is equal before and under the law and has the right to the equal protection and equal benefit of the law without discrimination and, in particular, without discrimination based on race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex, age or mental or physical disability.” The Supreme Court of Canada has held that discrimination based on sexuality is analogous to discrimination based on race, national or ethnic origin, or colour, and, as such, is prohibited under Section 15 of Canada's Charter.



The “one man and one woman” requirement in the definition of marriage creates a formal distinction between opposite-sex and same-sex couples on the basis of sexual orientation. Furthermore, exclusion from the institution of marriage perpetuates the view that same-sex couples are not capable of forming loving and lasting relations, and that same-sex relationships are not worthy of the same respect and recognition as opposite-sex relationships. As such, it offends the dignity of persons in same-sex relationships.



Should same sex marriage be legal? Of course it should and in Canada we recognize the fact that we are all equal under the law.

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re same sex marriage -
Will & I were happily unmarried (both having done that before with unhappy consequences) - until - his Dad, Draper died.
it then occurred to us that we also should have wills for our 'stuff'. so we put them together & took them to the lawyer to review. HE said to us ... if you want things the way you're telling me, IN PENNSYLVANIA you should be married. we said "why?". his answer was - in Pennsylvania if Will dies first, his sons would have to pay inheritance taxes on anything I gave them - including all the things that he would want me to enjoy while I'm still here. same thing between Will & my family. the reason? because, in the eyes of the state of PA, we all wouldn't be related! SO - we went to the local j.p. & did it. so what's the difference if you're the same sex? why shouldn't all folks who care about each other have the same advantage?


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Ok I have been pondering this question all summer. My thoughts are all marriages should be civil unions. What ever sex, if you want church sanctioned wedding then go for it. But I think civil unions is more than valid, who needs god to say you are united? And the government should have no say in the matter.
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Same sex marriages should be legal because the issue of marriage is a civil issue and not a religious one. There is absolutely no reason for people who fit the legal requirements of age not to be allowed to be married.

The oft said 'it would legalize man-dog marriage' are just goofin'... the 'dog' or any non-human creature cannot consent to marriage so that is that with that nonsense.
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It is the commitment between two people that matters- true commitment deserves legality.
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...I believe, in my heart, that people love who they love and no one should judge. Civil marriages should be allowed, God doesn't enter into it. Folks who have religious convictions ( I am a back sliding Methodist) can do everything the traditional way. I also think people rush to judgement on everyone's behavior or lifestyle without any compassion or feeling for the other person...it's wrong....
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I don't think it should be legal
I'm a christian
I don't agree with the gay lifestyle
I don't personally know anyone who's gay
so, I haven't had to deal with it in my life
I don't expect anyone to agree with me
that's just the way I feel

In the King James Version, Leviticus 18:22 is translated: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
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Of course people of the same gender or sex should be able to get married. I have this theory that if people want to keep the term "married" religious and only for certain types of unions, fine, have an ass-backwards opinion. But, for the GOVERNMENT, that cannot matter. So, the government (states etc) should stop issuing marriage licenses altogether and instead accept applications and issue certificates of civil unions. If you then want to take your government approved legally binding union and gussy it up with some marriage in a church or whatever, knock yourself out, but legally, two people regardless of who they are should be able to form a legally binding union. To not have this is sanctioned inequality.
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I have no problem with that, my personal thoughts is that it is none of my business and believe our world would be a better place if people would mind their own business on these matters. It's not my place to judge other people's choices in life to make them happy.
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I say "Why Not". Who are we to dictate who can marry and who cannot. Gay people were born gay............they didn't decide to turn gay! They also deserve the same benefits marriage allows to straight people.

Yes, it should be legal. Many states are making it legal now and a lot already have.
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Thank you everyone.
DB