How to fix a computer

If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.

Henry Ford
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Hello George
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Tools needed : A screwdriver.
OK, I've got that.
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Step One: Turn off the computer
Done
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Step Two: Unplug everything
OK, but how am I going to remember what's what?
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Step Three: Remove the cover by loosening the screw
The screw won't budge. The screwdriver doesn't move it. The pliers don't move it either. The wrench finally makes it move a tiny bit. So I keep at it with the wrench and finally it's loose enough for the pliers and then the screwdriver. So much for the "tools needed."
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Step Four: Carefully remove the cover by sliding it to the right.
As I do that the cover falls off into my lap
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Step Five: Lift the cover away from the computer
The cover is in my lap, I told you
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Step Six: Pull the tabs that hold the bezel, then release the bezel
What the hell is a bezel
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Step Seven: Swing the bezel out to remove it
It's a swinging bezel
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Step Eight: Locate the ODD at the top of the computer
Is this it?
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Step Nine: Remove the screws that fasten the ODD to the computer
Screws? I can only find one. I hope that's it
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Step Ten: Push the ODD THING sightly forward
You're kidding
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Step Eleven: Remove cables 1 and 2 by squeezing their latches and pulling them out
OK, I squeezed their little latches and pulled them out. This is beginning to sound slightly salacious
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Step Twelve: Pull the ODD THING out through the front of the computer
Done. Now I have an ODD THING in my hands. What should I do?
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Step Thirteen: Rest, another cup of coffee, a cigarette.
Good idea
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Step Fourteen: Push the new Odd Thing part way into the computer
I don't know which is the top of the new odd thing because I forgot to check it when I took the old odd thing out.
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Step Fifteen: Reconnect cables 1 and 2 to the back
Sometime during my rest period one of the cable heads grew or the port got smaller. Because number 2 went right in but number 1 doesn't fit anymore. Maybe I was too rough squeezing her little latch
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Step Sixteen: Align the odd screw holes with the other screw holes
! ! ! ! ! ?
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Step Seventeen: Replace the odd screws
Of which there was only one
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Step Eighteen : Align the left side of the bezel and swing it toward the computer
Oh, here we go with the swinging bezel again. Are you sure a bezel isn't something you buy in a Jewish deli?
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Step Nineteen: Insert the tabs into the slots and slide the cover forward
The one that has been in my lap, you mean?
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Step Twenty: Reattach the screw at the back of the computer
This is the one that required a wrench to open. I'm going to treat this one with the respect it deserves
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Step Twenty one: Reconnect all the cables
Right, if i can remember where they go
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Step Twenty two: Turn on the computer
"Your computer is unable to turn on, wait while we check for the difficulty"
No need. I know what the difficulty is. I forgot to turn on the modem.
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Step Twenty three: Verify the new Odd Thing is operating correctly
It is.
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Step Twenty four: Rest, you've done it
Gladly
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Estimated time 15 to 20 minutes
Actual time 2 and a half hours
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DB, The Exhausted Vagabond
Never Give Up
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DB - The Vagabond
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