Mad Dogs

To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.

Gelett Burgess
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Selections from "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" by Noel Coward

"At twelve noon the natives swoon, and
no further work is done -
But Mad Dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
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I've always been amused at how some people seem to take excessive weather as a personal insult. Imagine the effrontery of the weather bureau calling for rain on the same day as your garden party. The school cookout had to be canceled because it was just too hot, everyone was disappointed. And if it weren't for the damn ice on the road you might have gotten to the meeting on time.
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"In Bangkok, at twelve o'clock, they foam at the mouth and run,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
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I went to visit my tobacconist friend yesterday at about 3 o'clock. It was in the high 90's if not 100 degrees. On the way there was no shady side of the street so I shuffled slowly along like every one else on the sidewalks.

Her shop is air conditioned, thank goodness, so I was glad to go in and sit down. As I sat there other customers came in and they all had something to say about the heat. "Whew,it's hot. Hot as hell out there. Or, hotter than the hinges of... That sun is too bright" etc.

After a while, at a moment when there were no customers, she said she was tired of people telling her how hot it was as if she didn't know, as if it was a sudden discovery. She said she wished she could come up with a witty response just to show them the nonsense of what they were all saying.

Alright, I'm English, I admit it. My family came from Yorkshire. So, since she quit smoking and is doing very well at it, I stepped outside to have a cigarette and sat on the bench in front of the shop, A customer passed and said I must be crazy to sit in the direct sunlight like that. No I thought, I'm not mad, I'm just English.
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"In Bengal, to move at all, is seldom if ever done,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
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When I finished I went back inside and said "Whew! It's colder than a penguin's foot out there." That got a laugh out of her. A refreshing change.

Today the weather bureau has the nerve to call for 105 degrees. Who do they think they are?

Keep cool.

DB
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WEEKEND PUZZLE

Here are some well known issues as if they were reported by the modern news media. What are they?

1. Last night while the occupants were asleep an intruder entered the house somehow and left behind some suspicious looking boxes. The FBI is investigating.

2. Instead of remaining by the river two youngsters stupidly thought they would try their luck further up. They both toppled off a cliff, which served them right. The boy is listed in serious condition. Doctors have not as yet reported on the girl.

3. Responding to complaints police found a man in the middle of town hiding under a tree and making a horrible noise banging pieces of metal together.

4. Police report that a mad man came speeding through the city in the middle of the night shouting at people to load their rifles.

5. Parents in this community are very distraught. An itinerant worker, in a dispute over wages, has been kidnapping their children. Amber alerts have gone out all around the area. None of the children have yet been located.

6. There was a standoff between the two gangs at the stream. Witnesses say it might have ended peacefully except that one of the guys fired his rifle. A fight ensued.

Good luck.
Leave your answer on dbdacoba@aol.com in case others don't get to it until later.
DB
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