'Tain't the **** it's the ********.
------------------------------------------
Hello Barbara
-------------------------------------------
We're havin' a **** wave, a tropical **** wave.
There'll be a *** time in the old town tonight,
Come on baby light my ****.
I've got steam ****.
*** town, summer in the city
We're ******' at the Continental.
I don't want to set the world on ****.
I just want to start a ***** in your heart.
*** fun in the summertime.
The **** is on.
***cross buns
Ring of ****.
That was a real nice clam ****.
Goodness gracious Great balls of ****.
****** love.
*** dog, that's where my money goes.
Pot *****.
A side of *****.
Salt and ******
In the **** of the night.
Mississippi *******
**** down below.
*** in the shade
--------------------------------
(with assistance from Sue Hertz)
DB - Vagabond'
Never give up.
Showing posts with label heat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heat. Show all posts
Monday, July 2, 2012
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Mad Dogs
To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.
Gelett Burgess
********************
Selections from "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" by Noel Coward
"At twelve noon the natives swoon, and
no further work is done -
But Mad Dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
---------------------------------------
I've always been amused at how some people seem to take excessive weather as a personal insult. Imagine the effrontery of the weather bureau calling for rain on the same day as your garden party. The school cookout had to be canceled because it was just too hot, everyone was disappointed. And if it weren't for the damn ice on the road you might have gotten to the meeting on time.
--------------------------------
"In Bangkok, at twelve o'clock, they foam at the mouth and run,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
-------------------------------------
I went to visit my tobacconist friend yesterday at about 3 o'clock. It was in the high 90's if not 100 degrees. On the way there was no shady side of the street so I shuffled slowly along like every one else on the sidewalks.
Her shop is air conditioned, thank goodness, so I was glad to go in and sit down. As I sat there other customers came in and they all had something to say about the heat. "Whew,it's hot. Hot as hell out there. Or, hotter than the hinges of... That sun is too bright" etc.
After a while, at a moment when there were no customers, she said she was tired of people telling her how hot it was as if she didn't know, as if it was a sudden discovery. She said she wished she could come up with a witty response just to show them the nonsense of what they were all saying.
Alright, I'm English, I admit it. My family came from Yorkshire. So, since she quit smoking and is doing very well at it, I stepped outside to have a cigarette and sat on the bench in front of the shop, A customer passed and said I must be crazy to sit in the direct sunlight like that. No I thought, I'm not mad, I'm just English.
-------------------------------------------
"In Bengal, to move at all, is seldom if ever done,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
--------------------------------------------
When I finished I went back inside and said "Whew! It's colder than a penguin's foot out there." That got a laugh out of her. A refreshing change.
Today the weather bureau has the nerve to call for 105 degrees. Who do they think they are?
Keep cool.
DB
***********************
WEEKEND PUZZLE
Here are some well known issues as if they were reported by the modern news media. What are they?
1. Last night while the occupants were asleep an intruder entered the house somehow and left behind some suspicious looking boxes. The FBI is investigating.
2. Instead of remaining by the river two youngsters stupidly thought they would try their luck further up. They both toppled off a cliff, which served them right. The boy is listed in serious condition. Doctors have not as yet reported on the girl.
3. Responding to complaints police found a man in the middle of town hiding under a tree and making a horrible noise banging pieces of metal together.
4. Police report that a mad man came speeding through the city in the middle of the night shouting at people to load their rifles.
5. Parents in this community are very distraught. An itinerant worker, in a dispute over wages, has been kidnapping their children. Amber alerts have gone out all around the area. None of the children have yet been located.
6. There was a standoff between the two gangs at the stream. Witnesses say it might have ended peacefully except that one of the guys fired his rifle. A fight ensued.
Good luck.
Leave your answer on dbdacoba@aol.com in case others don't get to it until later.
DB
*************
Gelett Burgess
********************
Selections from "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" by Noel Coward
"At twelve noon the natives swoon, and
no further work is done -
But Mad Dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
---------------------------------------
I've always been amused at how some people seem to take excessive weather as a personal insult. Imagine the effrontery of the weather bureau calling for rain on the same day as your garden party. The school cookout had to be canceled because it was just too hot, everyone was disappointed. And if it weren't for the damn ice on the road you might have gotten to the meeting on time.
--------------------------------
"In Bangkok, at twelve o'clock, they foam at the mouth and run,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
-------------------------------------
I went to visit my tobacconist friend yesterday at about 3 o'clock. It was in the high 90's if not 100 degrees. On the way there was no shady side of the street so I shuffled slowly along like every one else on the sidewalks.
Her shop is air conditioned, thank goodness, so I was glad to go in and sit down. As I sat there other customers came in and they all had something to say about the heat. "Whew,it's hot. Hot as hell out there. Or, hotter than the hinges of... That sun is too bright" etc.
After a while, at a moment when there were no customers, she said she was tired of people telling her how hot it was as if she didn't know, as if it was a sudden discovery. She said she wished she could come up with a witty response just to show them the nonsense of what they were all saying.
Alright, I'm English, I admit it. My family came from Yorkshire. So, since she quit smoking and is doing very well at it, I stepped outside to have a cigarette and sat on the bench in front of the shop, A customer passed and said I must be crazy to sit in the direct sunlight like that. No I thought, I'm not mad, I'm just English.
-------------------------------------------
"In Bengal, to move at all, is seldom if ever done,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."
--------------------------------------------
When I finished I went back inside and said "Whew! It's colder than a penguin's foot out there." That got a laugh out of her. A refreshing change.
Today the weather bureau has the nerve to call for 105 degrees. Who do they think they are?
Keep cool.
DB
***********************
WEEKEND PUZZLE
Here are some well known issues as if they were reported by the modern news media. What are they?
1. Last night while the occupants were asleep an intruder entered the house somehow and left behind some suspicious looking boxes. The FBI is investigating.
2. Instead of remaining by the river two youngsters stupidly thought they would try their luck further up. They both toppled off a cliff, which served them right. The boy is listed in serious condition. Doctors have not as yet reported on the girl.
3. Responding to complaints police found a man in the middle of town hiding under a tree and making a horrible noise banging pieces of metal together.
4. Police report that a mad man came speeding through the city in the middle of the night shouting at people to load their rifles.
5. Parents in this community are very distraught. An itinerant worker, in a dispute over wages, has been kidnapping their children. Amber alerts have gone out all around the area. None of the children have yet been located.
6. There was a standoff between the two gangs at the stream. Witnesses say it might have ended peacefully except that one of the guys fired his rifle. A fight ensued.
Good luck.
Leave your answer on dbdacoba@aol.com in case others don't get to it until later.
DB
*************
Monday, June 28, 2010
Beat The Heat
When in doubt sing loud.
Anonymous
*******************
I don't feel well today. I never feel well but today my brain feels like a large stone and all the energy has fled from the rest of me.
I did a couple of shows with an Israeli director who whenever I wasn't feeling well suggested I should take some vitamins, which, in her Hebrew accent, she pronounced "weetaminz." so I took my weetaminz this morning and have had my oats. But every time I eat something I feel like taking a nap. Vitamins these days are sometimes called "food supplements" which is one of the sillies titles ever.
I have a bottle of third rate apple juice. The market was out of Motts, which is the first rate, gourmet, state of the art, fruit of the loom apple juice. (No one paid me to say that.) Folks around here know from apple juice.
I have to put a little sugar in the apple juice I have to make it palatable. I sometimes wonder if there is any nutritional value in any of the food I eat. I'm thawing some chopped beef for dinner, to go with my rice and beans, at least I think it's beef, one is never quite sure these day.
It's hotter than virgin lava here. I've got the ac going, the fan is up full blast, but they're just blowing the hot air around as I am right now. Every now and then I take a hot shower which helps. "What? A hot shower? Why not a cold one?" Because a hot shower heats up the body and makes the air seem cooler. That's why the people who live in equatorial climates eat all that hot food: chili, tacos, enchiladas. peppers, all that diabolo heats up the blood and makes the air cooler than the body. Those people aren't stupid.
Now the question is, isn't this the dullest, most boring and uninteresting vagabond journey you've ever read? I thought so. But I have to stay at the keyboard. If I move over the bed I'll lie down and sleep through the day.
********************************
And now here's the answer to the WEEKEND PUZZLE.
The winner is godolallie@aol.com of the Blogspot Tigers who wins the grand prize of an Olivetti typewriter spool. You were asked to continue the story --
It was an early September in the afternoon. The sky was darkening and a storm was threatened. But Dick and Jane needed to reach the other side of the lake. So they got into their canoe with two bags of groceries and Maxine, their Chihuahua. They began paddling across the lake and everything was going well until....
out of the gray’ an object appeared.
It was like nothing that had ever been seen in, on or above this lake before.
Dick and Jane stopped paddling.
Maxine (being descended from generations of fighting dogs) barked her willingness to attack irrespective of the fact ‘It’ was so big her eyes (renowned for their size) were unable to bring it into focus.
The lake boiled under the storm. Dick and Jane were thrown from the canoe.
Maxine stood her ground and the canoe answered her courage by slicing through the waves that threatened to inundate it.
After the storm the canoe was found on the other side of the lake containing two bags of groceries guarded by a Chihuahua.
Morning mist had descended over the lake and carried all that had occurred into a time yet to be explored by man but was already known by one small dog.
Medical records later identified Dick and Jane.
Maxine tried to tell what she knew and barked fit to bust but she was faced with ignorance.
Maxine then decided to take the best on offer and jumped into the soft lap of the reporter that initially came to expose the cause of the tragedy.
I can only report what my Chihuahua tells me.
It was like nothing that had ever been seen in, on or above the lake…
(Thank you.)
DB
Anonymous
*******************
I don't feel well today. I never feel well but today my brain feels like a large stone and all the energy has fled from the rest of me.
I did a couple of shows with an Israeli director who whenever I wasn't feeling well suggested I should take some vitamins, which, in her Hebrew accent, she pronounced "weetaminz." so I took my weetaminz this morning and have had my oats. But every time I eat something I feel like taking a nap. Vitamins these days are sometimes called "food supplements" which is one of the sillies titles ever.
I have a bottle of third rate apple juice. The market was out of Motts, which is the first rate, gourmet, state of the art, fruit of the loom apple juice. (No one paid me to say that.) Folks around here know from apple juice.
I have to put a little sugar in the apple juice I have to make it palatable. I sometimes wonder if there is any nutritional value in any of the food I eat. I'm thawing some chopped beef for dinner, to go with my rice and beans, at least I think it's beef, one is never quite sure these day.
It's hotter than virgin lava here. I've got the ac going, the fan is up full blast, but they're just blowing the hot air around as I am right now. Every now and then I take a hot shower which helps. "What? A hot shower? Why not a cold one?" Because a hot shower heats up the body and makes the air seem cooler. That's why the people who live in equatorial climates eat all that hot food: chili, tacos, enchiladas. peppers, all that diabolo heats up the blood and makes the air cooler than the body. Those people aren't stupid.
Now the question is, isn't this the dullest, most boring and uninteresting vagabond journey you've ever read? I thought so. But I have to stay at the keyboard. If I move over the bed I'll lie down and sleep through the day.
********************************
And now here's the answer to the WEEKEND PUZZLE.
The winner is godolallie@aol.com of the Blogspot Tigers who wins the grand prize of an Olivetti typewriter spool. You were asked to continue the story --
It was an early September in the afternoon. The sky was darkening and a storm was threatened. But Dick and Jane needed to reach the other side of the lake. So they got into their canoe with two bags of groceries and Maxine, their Chihuahua. They began paddling across the lake and everything was going well until....
out of the gray’ an object appeared.
It was like nothing that had ever been seen in, on or above this lake before.
Dick and Jane stopped paddling.
Maxine (being descended from generations of fighting dogs) barked her willingness to attack irrespective of the fact ‘It’ was so big her eyes (renowned for their size) were unable to bring it into focus.
The lake boiled under the storm. Dick and Jane were thrown from the canoe.
Maxine stood her ground and the canoe answered her courage by slicing through the waves that threatened to inundate it.
After the storm the canoe was found on the other side of the lake containing two bags of groceries guarded by a Chihuahua.
Morning mist had descended over the lake and carried all that had occurred into a time yet to be explored by man but was already known by one small dog.
Medical records later identified Dick and Jane.
Maxine tried to tell what she knew and barked fit to bust but she was faced with ignorance.
Maxine then decided to take the best on offer and jumped into the soft lap of the reporter that initially came to expose the cause of the tragedy.
I can only report what my Chihuahua tells me.
It was like nothing that had ever been seen in, on or above the lake…
(Thank you.)
DB
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