From The Ground Up

People will believe a lot of stuff in the name of hipness.

Armistead Maupin
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DB - I'm here in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania awaiting the arrival of Punxsutawney Phil who has graciously agreed to grant me another interview. It's a chilly day here, but that hasn't stopped the fans from coming out. It looks like it's going to be a big celebration. And now here comes Phil. Good morning Phil.

PP - Morning.

DB - How are you?

PP - Okay. Yourself?

DB - Not bad, Phil. So you're here to do your thing?

PP - Yeah, if I can get through the crowd.

DB - There are a lot of people here.

PP - Yeah. It's revolting. They come here with their cameras and want to take a picture of me, but all they get is a shot of that fool over there. What a poor excuse for a groundhog.

DB - You mean the one they're holding up?

PP - Yeah. Look at them. They're all cheering and snapping pictures. He signs autographs, shakes hands, kisses babies, the whole nine yards. He's a celebrity, a star. How stupid..

DB - Everyone thinks it's you.

PP - Yeah, but he's a phoney. Look at him. He's a joke. He couldn't tell his shadow from a hole in the ground. He gets all the glory while I do all the work.

DB - That's life, Phil.

PP - Yeah, I suppose so. But I guess I shouldn't complain. At least I've got a job. It's a tough time for groundhogs. No one is hiring. All my buddies, Frank, Sam, Charlie, there all on unemployment.

DB - That's a shame.

PP - Yeah, Well I blame the administration.

DB - Obama?

PP - Who?

DB - Barack Obama.

PP - Who's he?

DB - The President of the United States.

PP - Oh. No, I don't know him. No, I mean the grounds keepers around here. They cut down the tall grass, plug up the holes and put up signs "Don't feed the groundhogs." One of them even puts poison around, as if we're going to fall for that scam.

DB - How do you avoid it?

PP - We watch the squirrels. If they turn their noses up we know it ain't fit for groundhogs.

DB - What do think of the idea of using frogs?

PP - Frogs?

DB - Out west they're thinking of using a frog to predict the weather.

PP - Oh, yeah? Ha! What's the frog going to do, jump in the air and see if it can see it's shadow? Frogs aren't worth anything. They just sit around and burp.

DB - So what's next for you, Phil, after today?

PP - The wife and I are taking the kids and going to Florida for the rest of the winter.

DB - Oh. How long will you be there, Phil?

PP - Sneaky, sneaky. I can't tell you that. You'll have to hear about it on the nightly news.

DB - Okay Phil. Well, ti's been a pleasure tlking with you, as usual.

PP - You too DB.

DB - Next year?

PP - Yup. If I don't retire.

DB - Are you thinking of it?

PP - I don't know. I'll see how I like Florida.

DB - Take care Phil. My best to your wife.

PP - Sure thing. Bye.

DB - Bye
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That's it from here. This is DB in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania for Vagabond Journeys.
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Tomorrow: Doing Your Thing