Monday, July 23, 2012

With Clenched Fist

Though hosts encamp around me
Firm in the fight I stand.

James Montgomery
Hello Marty
"Watchman, tell us of the night."
The night is bad, and so is the day.
Never give up. This, evidently, is turning out to be one the bleakest years of my life. Not too long ago I was driving the highways of the northeast. I was riding the subways of New York. Now, there is nothing close to me, I walk with halting steps. But I walk the walk of a good man. Never give up.

Not too long ago I was treading the stages of eastern America. Or I was on the air at a major New York radio station, entertaining people, many people. Now I rarely see any one. No one around here knows what I've done, or cares. But I will again have close friends who know my work who respect me and whom I respect. Never give up.

On February First I found out I was living right next to a dope dealer, and that my only friend in this town was sneaking into his apartment for drugs and being dishonest and deceptive with me about it. So I moved to get away from both of them. I had to wait 20 days with all of that going on. But I finally did it. Never give up.

It cost me a whole month's income to move. I'm still getting out from under debts. The cost of moving put me in a financial dump from which I haven't recovered. There will come a day, a month, a year of solvency. Never give up.

Then I found that I moved into an apartment that is even closer to the drugs and that the false friend whom I moved to get away from now is a regular visitor next door which causes me a lot of distress. Now I yearn with all my heart for a home where I can at last have peace, comfort, safety, beauty and nice people around me. Never give up.

My neighbors also have screaming fights with each other beginning in the morning and continuing all day. Their language is foul and they have a little girl with them at the time. Sometime they scream at her. I feel sorry for that little girl. I feel sorry for myself. I long to be with people who are kind, gentle, good to each other and who know how to treat children. Never give up.

My neighborhood is a nasty one for other reasons. It's enough to say I am not happy, comfortable or at peace here. One has to know and hold continually in thought that good is stronger than evil and it will win. NGU

I would like to do more paintings but I have run out of some important colors. I will soon run out of ink for my printer. Now, it's certain that I will run out of coffee and food before this month is over.. I have no more money. My next income isn't until August 1st. I stand with a clenched fist and shake it at the heavens, at the destiny that has brought me to this misery and I utter the shout that I once gave to a particularly bad New England Winter when my car wouldn't start and the snow was relentless:

"Some day I'm going to beat you , you son of a bitch."

Dana Bate - Vagabond Journeys
Never Give Up


Arlene (AJ) said...

DB, check with your local church, most have food help for those who are needing it, they might also be able to assist with all the problems you are having in your home area, worth a try. Worth checking into this.....would hopefully help you with your situation all the way around, you have nothing to lose in giving them a call. said...

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