Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How to fix a computer

If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.

Henry Ford
Hello George
Tools needed : A screwdriver.
OK, I've got that.
Step One: Turn off the computer
Step Two: Unplug everything
OK, but how am I going to remember what's what?
Step Three: Remove the cover by loosening the screw
The screw won't budge. The screwdriver doesn't move it. The pliers don't move it either. The wrench finally makes it move a tiny bit. So I keep at it with the wrench and finally it's loose enough for the pliers and then the screwdriver. So much for the "tools needed."
Step Four: Carefully remove the cover by sliding it to the right.
As I do that the cover falls off into my lap
Step Five: Lift the cover away from the computer
The cover is in my lap, I told you
Step Six: Pull the tabs that hold the bezel, then release the bezel
What the hell is a bezel
Step Seven: Swing the bezel out to remove it
It's a swinging bezel
Step Eight: Locate the ODD at the top of the computer
Is this it?
Step Nine: Remove the screws that fasten the ODD to the computer
Screws? I can only find one. I hope that's it
Step Ten: Push the ODD THING sightly forward
You're kidding
Step Eleven: Remove cables 1 and 2 by squeezing their latches and pulling them out
OK, I squeezed their little latches and pulled them out. This is beginning to sound slightly salacious
Step Twelve: Pull the ODD THING out through the front of the computer
Done. Now I have an ODD THING in my hands. What should I do?
Step Thirteen: Rest, another cup of coffee, a cigarette.
Good idea
Step Fourteen: Push the new Odd Thing part way into the computer
I don't know which is the top of the new odd thing because I forgot to check it when I took the old odd thing out.
Step Fifteen: Reconnect cables 1 and 2 to the back
Sometime during my rest period one of the cable heads grew or the port got smaller. Because number 2 went right in but number 1 doesn't fit anymore. Maybe I was too rough squeezing her little latch
Step Sixteen: Align the odd screw holes with the other screw holes
! ! ! ! ! ?
Step Seventeen: Replace the odd screws
Of which there was only one
Step Eighteen : Align the left side of the bezel and swing it toward the computer
Oh, here we go with the swinging bezel again. Are you sure a bezel isn't something you buy in a Jewish deli?
Step Nineteen: Insert the tabs into the slots and slide the cover forward
The one that has been in my lap, you mean?
Step Twenty: Reattach the screw at the back of the computer
This is the one that required a wrench to open. I'm going to treat this one with the respect it deserves
Step Twenty one: Reconnect all the cables
Right, if i can remember where they go
Step Twenty two: Turn on the computer
"Your computer is unable to turn on, wait while we check for the difficulty"
No need. I know what the difficulty is. I forgot to turn on the modem.
Step Twenty three: Verify the new Odd Thing is operating correctly
It is.
Step Twenty four: Rest, you've done it
Estimated time 15 to 20 minutes
Actual time 2 and a half hours

DB, The Exhausted Vagabond
Never Give Up
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Geo. said...

Hello DB! Re: "Step Twenty three: Verify the new Odd Thing is operating correctly."

Only odd thing on my computer is its operator. I don't want to be replaced by a new one. You've shown more courage in this repair than I can imagine.

Jon said...

Very amusing to read, but a big pain in the ass to go through! I very often yearn for the simple days before I was computerized......

Kudos for courage!

Sue said...

I knew you could do it, well I thought you could do it, well I hoped you could do it. WTG


pacifica62 said...

Terrific to be able to look back with a sense of humour. You did it. Doesn't matter how long it took, but you did it. YOU did it. Gotta hand it to you db, you succeeded where many (like me) fear to tread. Great job.

Arlene (AJ) said...

Every time our computer acts up I'm grateful for my hubby who can get the blasted thing back up and working...keeps me from stressing out for sure, lol.