Do not trust all man, but trust men of worth, the former course is silly, the latter is a mark of prudence.
Democritus
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Hello Jon
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A friend once asked me "Why do you insist on believing that everyone is as intelligent as you are?" I don't know if that remark was insight or flattery but I answered by saying "Because I want them to be."
It reminded me of times that I did talk to people expecting them to really understand the ideas I was expressing. Some people, it seemed, just plain could not. I always want people to be better than they are, and I have a strange feeling that if I treat them that way they will respond accordingly.
I have made the same mistake about trusting people. Recently I had the terrible experience of finding out that someone I was close to could not be trusted. It's always a greet shock to the system when you realize how much you have given of yourself in a relationship when you find out you've been fooled and the other person isn't trustworthy.
"Trust a few" Shakespeare said. But how do we know which few to trust? Is it wise not to trust anybody? Can we live in the pathways of suspicion with everyone we meet? Can we live under the sword of wondering if we can trust ourselves?
I have known a few people whom I trusted and I believe they were genuinely able to be trusted. A very few. But they were people who when negative feelings came rolling in on them were able to keep their trustworthiness intact. I like to think I am that way myself.
When it turned out this person could not be trusted it was a very painful event for me. But I acknowledge that the pain was caused by me for trusting where it was not possible, and that happened through lack of observation. People usually give the signs that tell you they can't be trusted and I simply ignored and did not read the signs. My fault.
Observing and listening are very important practices in all human relationships. It saves from jumping to conclusions about other people, as I did.
Suffer, rue, heal and try to remember the lesson for the next time, if you can, silly man.
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never Give Up.
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6 comments:
I think we've all been there, Dana. It's a fine line. We can either shut ourselves off and never trust anyone again, or we can leave ourselves open to possible hurt.
I'll choose the latter. We might make wrong assumptions and be hurt in the process, but we might also make some lifelong friends who truly have our best interests at heart.
We can make mistakes and be wrong about people. But I'd rather take that chance than not.
Sending you much love,
Beth
As Beth said, we definitely have all been there.
I used to be extremely trusting and naive but I learned a helluva lot of bitter lessons because of it. I'm now older, wiser, - - and completely paranoid about attempting to trust anyone.
You are not a silly man at all. You are a warm human being who is hurting. Old wounds cut deeply and it does not take much to open them again. I am in total agreement with Beth. You do have to be cautious, but you also have to take the chance to trust again. If you do not, then you could be setting yourself up to miss out on some wonderful relationships in life.
I hope you can learn to trust sgain ~ not everyone is out to take advantage of us ~ I think we have all been there and we learn from the experience ~ Ally x
I like to believe in the goodness of people until they demonstrate otherwise. So do not give up trusting, but stay wary.
All of us at one time or another has had to make that decision as to wether a friendship you shared with someone is still a true friendship worth holding onto. It's not easy to say that I'll be better off if we don't continue this frienship and it hurts to give up that, but you have to do what is best for your own well-being versus let it abuse you mentally. Just don't let it stop you from trusting in the future Dana.
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