Loving your enemies means you must forgive them. But it does not mean that you must believe them, respect them or trust them.
Dana Bate
****************
Hello Sue
****************
The worst kind of enemies are those you make yourself through carelessness, selfishness and unnecessary animosity. By those enemies you need to be forgiven. But what happens when you make an enemy without being brutish to them? That usually comes about because someone expects something from you which is either too much or too little of who you really are. Or that person has simply put the blindfold on when it came to thinking clearly about you and seeing the real person you are. That form of misunderstanding can cause a lot of alienation and loss of friendship. But does it make for an enemy? It might.
But, as I turn that mirror around and gaqze at my own nature, I realize that I have enemies whom I thought were friends, because I expected too much from them. I inaccurately judged the characters of some people because I wanted them to be who I thought they were, who I thought they represented themselves to be. I can't believe, respect or trust those people, but I can forgive them for their masquerades and forgive myself for being fooled.
Then there are people who just don't like you. They probably don't know why but they will find a reason to justify their hatred. It is quite impossible to trust someone who hates you, but, though difficult, it's not impossible to forgive them for their hatred.
One must be prepared to defend oneself against one's enemies if the enmity spills over into some kind of attack, but revenge is not the intelligent defense. Forgiveness is. It doesn't even need to be expressed. It just needs to be chosen and confirmed in one's own thinking. One can go through thinking about all the things one should have said or done but the fact that they weren't said or done allows for peace.
It's hard to forgave you enemies. Life is hard. But it can be lived more easily without having enemies occupy space in your mind.
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never give up.
*************************
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Forgive Me
It's toughest to forgive ourselves. So it's probably best to start with other people.
Patty Duke
******************
Hello George
******************
So many things to be grateful for. So many things to forgive. So many things to regret. So many things to apologize for.
The fact thet human beings don't get things right all the time creates a lot of dust and garbage that either has to be cleaned up or else forgotten about. It gets forgotten because we often can't find or even remember some of the people that we should apologize to. We just have to hope that we have been forgiven or perhaps forgotten.
Forgiveness is another matter. We generally remember those we think have done us wrong, and we have to look at ourselves to see how much resentment we still hold for those people. We can say in our thoughts that we forgive them, but do we really. Forgiveness is a tough one.
Some people hold on to resentment their whole lives and allow it to become a parasite chewing on happiness. As hard as it is forgiveness is the only antidote to resentment. There is no peace of mind without it.
And that brings up the subject of self forgiveness. Most of us harbor regrets, some of them major, which need to be expunged from our lives if we don't want to invite the parasites in to gnaw. I have recently discovered that I can forgive others for things that I find it almost impossible to forgive myself for. But regrets are even tastier meat for the parasites than resentment. So get busy. Roll up your sleeves and plunge your hands into the hot dirty water of regrets and clean out the garbage.
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never give up.
*************************
Patty Duke
******************
Hello George
******************
So many things to be grateful for. So many things to forgive. So many things to regret. So many things to apologize for.
The fact thet human beings don't get things right all the time creates a lot of dust and garbage that either has to be cleaned up or else forgotten about. It gets forgotten because we often can't find or even remember some of the people that we should apologize to. We just have to hope that we have been forgiven or perhaps forgotten.
Forgiveness is another matter. We generally remember those we think have done us wrong, and we have to look at ourselves to see how much resentment we still hold for those people. We can say in our thoughts that we forgive them, but do we really. Forgiveness is a tough one.
Some people hold on to resentment their whole lives and allow it to become a parasite chewing on happiness. As hard as it is forgiveness is the only antidote to resentment. There is no peace of mind without it.
And that brings up the subject of self forgiveness. Most of us harbor regrets, some of them major, which need to be expunged from our lives if we don't want to invite the parasites in to gnaw. I have recently discovered that I can forgive others for things that I find it almost impossible to forgive myself for. But regrets are even tastier meat for the parasites than resentment. So get busy. Roll up your sleeves and plunge your hands into the hot dirty water of regrets and clean out the garbage.
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never give up.
*************************
Friday, May 4, 2012
To The Woman
Some Day
I can't stay here. I have to leave and go somewhere. I don't feel safe. My former friend, Teresa, who continuously deceived me all those many months with no explanation and no remorse is now a visiter next door, and still deceptive and devious. She can slip past my bedroom window if the shade is down. It's fun for her.
Some people may think that I made this relationship up out of my imagination. Well one day about 2 years ago I was walking down the street with my cane. She stopped me and asked if she could drive me somewhere. I allowed her to take me the two blocks I was going. Then she offered to take me around when I needed to go somewhere. That began a relationship that lasted for almost 2 years during which once or twice a week she would take me to the supermarket, the mall, the post office, wherever I needed to go. She was always pleasant, gracious and good humored. She helped me with the seat belt, helped me in and out of the car, made sure I had a quarter for the shopping cart and helped me up to my door with the bags of groceries. Twice she came through freezing cold weather to bring me Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. What's not to love? She captured my heart. I began to think of her as a daughter. We were friends. She was my only friend in this town. I started to think about things I could do for her that might please her and be useful. I even once thought that if I sold my novels and made enough money I would buy her and her husband a house, since she so much admired the houses on the street.
Then one day I discovered that she was coming back to the house, sneaking past me in various ways to buy drugs from the dope dealer next door to me. If I was sitting on the front porch she would climb through his bedroom window. She would allow him to muscle me and insult me so that I would stay out of the way. Even after I knew from her what she was doing she kept doing it. It meant I wasn't worthy, admirable or respected enough to share in an important part of her life even if I was living next door to it. She had to deceive me. That stuck a knife in my heart. In truth, I don't know how she's going to live with it for the rest of her life.
So I moved to my new place to get away from it all, but it has followed me here.
I can t tell you how painful and frightening it is for me. Knowing, or even suspecting, that she's here brings back all the broken heart and feeling of humiliation and unimportance. The other night she met him in the car in the parking lot underneath my window to avoid seeing me. She doesn't care. I almost walked out there just to catch a glimpse of her, but I thought it might frighten her, so I didn't. Why should I love and care so much for her. There are those who tell me she's not worth it. Perhaps they're right. New wine must be put into new bottles. Teresa, I never judged you for your interest in drugs, although I would rather see a healthier activity for you. I only judged you for deceiving me. Since you probably won't read this and have blocked my emails and won't take my phone calls you don't even know you might have been forgiven. But when you are an attractive woman in your thirties it seems drugs are more important than an old man's heart.
There was something beautiful about our friendship. It was based on pure, deep, innocent affection. When I leave here I will never see you again, and you will never see me again, and that beautiful part that was cherished will be forever lost. Is that the right answer?
Dana Bate - The Vagabond
Never Give Up
*******************
I can't stay here. I have to leave and go somewhere. I don't feel safe. My former friend, Teresa, who continuously deceived me all those many months with no explanation and no remorse is now a visiter next door, and still deceptive and devious. She can slip past my bedroom window if the shade is down. It's fun for her.
Some people may think that I made this relationship up out of my imagination. Well one day about 2 years ago I was walking down the street with my cane. She stopped me and asked if she could drive me somewhere. I allowed her to take me the two blocks I was going. Then she offered to take me around when I needed to go somewhere. That began a relationship that lasted for almost 2 years during which once or twice a week she would take me to the supermarket, the mall, the post office, wherever I needed to go. She was always pleasant, gracious and good humored. She helped me with the seat belt, helped me in and out of the car, made sure I had a quarter for the shopping cart and helped me up to my door with the bags of groceries. Twice she came through freezing cold weather to bring me Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. What's not to love? She captured my heart. I began to think of her as a daughter. We were friends. She was my only friend in this town. I started to think about things I could do for her that might please her and be useful. I even once thought that if I sold my novels and made enough money I would buy her and her husband a house, since she so much admired the houses on the street.
Then one day I discovered that she was coming back to the house, sneaking past me in various ways to buy drugs from the dope dealer next door to me. If I was sitting on the front porch she would climb through his bedroom window. She would allow him to muscle me and insult me so that I would stay out of the way. Even after I knew from her what she was doing she kept doing it. It meant I wasn't worthy, admirable or respected enough to share in an important part of her life even if I was living next door to it. She had to deceive me. That stuck a knife in my heart. In truth, I don't know how she's going to live with it for the rest of her life.
So I moved to my new place to get away from it all, but it has followed me here.
I can t tell you how painful and frightening it is for me. Knowing, or even suspecting, that she's here brings back all the broken heart and feeling of humiliation and unimportance. The other night she met him in the car in the parking lot underneath my window to avoid seeing me. She doesn't care. I almost walked out there just to catch a glimpse of her, but I thought it might frighten her, so I didn't. Why should I love and care so much for her. There are those who tell me she's not worth it. Perhaps they're right. New wine must be put into new bottles. Teresa, I never judged you for your interest in drugs, although I would rather see a healthier activity for you. I only judged you for deceiving me. Since you probably won't read this and have blocked my emails and won't take my phone calls you don't even know you might have been forgiven. But when you are an attractive woman in your thirties it seems drugs are more important than an old man's heart.
There was something beautiful about our friendship. It was based on pure, deep, innocent affection. When I leave here I will never see you again, and you will never see me again, and that beautiful part that was cherished will be forever lost. Is that the right answer?
Dana Bate - The Vagabond
Never Give Up
*******************
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Forgive Me
One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody, everything, every night before you go to bed.
Bernard Baruch
***************************
Hello Sue
------------------------------
THIS IS THE LAST DAY
The Summer Question is closing it's doors at midnight EST.
------------------------------------
I read thoroughly the Old Testament, the New Testament and the Koran, as well as a lot of philosophy, history, science and other dust covered tomes. In all three of those sacred texts great stress is laid on the commandment to forgive, friends, enemies, everyone, including ourselves. In fact the issue is so big and important the writers must have felt there was some divine power behind forgiveness.
I've found that it is much easier to forgive people than I ever thought it was back in my smart aleck days. Oh, I can make excuses for people: he has a headache, she's having a bad day, they just don't understand. But that isn't the same as forgiving.
True forgiveness is a matter of consciousness, it is holding in thought the truth about human life and human behavior. Nothing is easier in this uncertain world than to do something wrong, to make a mistake, to miscalculate or, worse, to be motivated by something sinister, like hunger or greed, to do damage to another person or his property. Those demons are all part of the great struggle we have as human beings against the powers of darkeners that would destroy us.
None of are exempt from that struggle, not even the rich and beautiful. In fact, and this is an important fact to know about, it is often that the rich and beautiful succumb to the temptations to do harm more often than those who grapple with the chains of a difficult life.
An even more important discovery about forgiveness is that it is a mark of maturity. The idiot who engages in road rage or any process of "getting even" is still back in his childhood, refusing, like Peter Pan, to grow up.
The first urge we have to forgive is usually met with a counter urge. "What! Forgive that bastard. Never!" But if the need to forgive has divine power behind it, that counter urge has no divine power to strengthen it no matter how vigorously our nerves may shake with anticipation. The so called reality of revenge is an illusion. The anger that lives with one who cannot forgive takes over and controls that person's life. Heaven forbid if that anger is salted with the heavy spice of violence. Eat dynamite and drink human blood, there's nothing left.
I won't make a list of the people I need to forgive. For one thing, that would only legitimize my negative feelings about them and for another thing, I've already forgiven them. When one person or event pops into my mind I simply remind myself I've forgiven them and that's that. I have set them free and I've set myself free.
But, ironically, the buzzing fly of conscience that may keep me awake at night is that I need to forgive myself for more than any one else has done to me. If I could genuinely and completely forgive myself for all the stupid things I did and the smart things I didn't do, which seems like an impassible, life long task, that would be freedom and a divine state of being indeed.
"Let there be peace in the world and let it begin with me."
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never give up.
****************************
This is it, your last chance.
SUMMER QUESTION
It's been a long, hot, wet and sticky summer, so here's the hot, sticky question..
Same sex marriage. Should it be legal or not? If so, why? If not, why not?
dbdacoba@aol.com
22 interesting answers so far.
You have until midnight.
I eagerly await your answer.
DB
************************
Bernard Baruch
***************************
Hello Sue
------------------------------
THIS IS THE LAST DAY
The Summer Question is closing it's doors at midnight EST.
------------------------------------
I read thoroughly the Old Testament, the New Testament and the Koran, as well as a lot of philosophy, history, science and other dust covered tomes. In all three of those sacred texts great stress is laid on the commandment to forgive, friends, enemies, everyone, including ourselves. In fact the issue is so big and important the writers must have felt there was some divine power behind forgiveness.
I've found that it is much easier to forgive people than I ever thought it was back in my smart aleck days. Oh, I can make excuses for people: he has a headache, she's having a bad day, they just don't understand. But that isn't the same as forgiving.
True forgiveness is a matter of consciousness, it is holding in thought the truth about human life and human behavior. Nothing is easier in this uncertain world than to do something wrong, to make a mistake, to miscalculate or, worse, to be motivated by something sinister, like hunger or greed, to do damage to another person or his property. Those demons are all part of the great struggle we have as human beings against the powers of darkeners that would destroy us.
None of are exempt from that struggle, not even the rich and beautiful. In fact, and this is an important fact to know about, it is often that the rich and beautiful succumb to the temptations to do harm more often than those who grapple with the chains of a difficult life.
An even more important discovery about forgiveness is that it is a mark of maturity. The idiot who engages in road rage or any process of "getting even" is still back in his childhood, refusing, like Peter Pan, to grow up.
The first urge we have to forgive is usually met with a counter urge. "What! Forgive that bastard. Never!" But if the need to forgive has divine power behind it, that counter urge has no divine power to strengthen it no matter how vigorously our nerves may shake with anticipation. The so called reality of revenge is an illusion. The anger that lives with one who cannot forgive takes over and controls that person's life. Heaven forbid if that anger is salted with the heavy spice of violence. Eat dynamite and drink human blood, there's nothing left.
I won't make a list of the people I need to forgive. For one thing, that would only legitimize my negative feelings about them and for another thing, I've already forgiven them. When one person or event pops into my mind I simply remind myself I've forgiven them and that's that. I have set them free and I've set myself free.
But, ironically, the buzzing fly of conscience that may keep me awake at night is that I need to forgive myself for more than any one else has done to me. If I could genuinely and completely forgive myself for all the stupid things I did and the smart things I didn't do, which seems like an impassible, life long task, that would be freedom and a divine state of being indeed.
"Let there be peace in the world and let it begin with me."
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never give up.
****************************
This is it, your last chance.
SUMMER QUESTION
It's been a long, hot, wet and sticky summer, so here's the hot, sticky question..
Same sex marriage. Should it be legal or not? If so, why? If not, why not?
dbdacoba@aol.com
22 interesting answers so far.
You have until midnight.
I eagerly await your answer.
DB
************************
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Getting It Wrong
Without mistakes there is no forgiving, without forgiving there is no love.
Mother Teresa
**************
We are all crazy. There is no doubt abut that. Next winter go out and throw a snowball into a crowd of people and it is certain to hit someone who is being irrational about something. The sanest one among us is secretly a dope. a secret most carefully hidden from himself
Whenever I do something that makes no sense, even though it seemed to be the best and most intelligent thing at the time, I wonder where my brain is, if it just took a little vacation while my back was turned. If you haven't made a mistake you haven't lived yet.
There was a man I worked for, briefly, who was a state-of-the-art paranoid ignoramus. Every time one of his workers did something wrong, no matter how small it was, he would demand to know why the person did it. If the employee said "I made a mistake," the boss would ask him why he made a mistake, as if he had done it on purpose. The boss simply had an empty place in his head where his reason was supposed to be.
I am very grateful I haven't been kicked in the shins by some supervisor over some of the dumb things I've done. I have been forgiven for things I would never perhaps forgive myself for. No, I won't cite you any examples, I don't want to think about them.
The point is I was forgiven. After a few times of being astonished by someone's forgiveness of me I turned the coin over and saw that I, myself, was learning forgiveness and that I could easily forgive other people for their mistakes. Once I discovered that secret, life got a little brighter. We all make mistakes. Why not forgive other people for theirs?
Sometimes the mistakes are big ones, people get hurt or property is destroyed. Then the act of forgiveness becomes a major effort, but the condition of not staying angry, resentful or hateful, of forgiving, is a double blessing.
But what about people who have purposely done something to hurt? I have forgiven the nasty critics. I have forgiven people who lied to me, people who lied about me and those who believed them. I have even forgiven some who were purposely malignant, hurtful and harmful to me and caused me pain and sorrow. Those people were mistaken about me.
Forgiveness isn't easy, no body ever said it was, and sometimes it seems impossible. But wherever there is animosity in your heart, there is no love.
DB - The Vagabond
*********************
AUTUMN QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)
At what event of the past do you wish you could be present? Why?
8 responses so far.
dbdacoba@aol.com
Thank you.
DB
************************
Mother Teresa
**************
We are all crazy. There is no doubt abut that. Next winter go out and throw a snowball into a crowd of people and it is certain to hit someone who is being irrational about something. The sanest one among us is secretly a dope. a secret most carefully hidden from himself
Whenever I do something that makes no sense, even though it seemed to be the best and most intelligent thing at the time, I wonder where my brain is, if it just took a little vacation while my back was turned. If you haven't made a mistake you haven't lived yet.
There was a man I worked for, briefly, who was a state-of-the-art paranoid ignoramus. Every time one of his workers did something wrong, no matter how small it was, he would demand to know why the person did it. If the employee said "I made a mistake," the boss would ask him why he made a mistake, as if he had done it on purpose. The boss simply had an empty place in his head where his reason was supposed to be.
I am very grateful I haven't been kicked in the shins by some supervisor over some of the dumb things I've done. I have been forgiven for things I would never perhaps forgive myself for. No, I won't cite you any examples, I don't want to think about them.
The point is I was forgiven. After a few times of being astonished by someone's forgiveness of me I turned the coin over and saw that I, myself, was learning forgiveness and that I could easily forgive other people for their mistakes. Once I discovered that secret, life got a little brighter. We all make mistakes. Why not forgive other people for theirs?
Sometimes the mistakes are big ones, people get hurt or property is destroyed. Then the act of forgiveness becomes a major effort, but the condition of not staying angry, resentful or hateful, of forgiving, is a double blessing.
But what about people who have purposely done something to hurt? I have forgiven the nasty critics. I have forgiven people who lied to me, people who lied about me and those who believed them. I have even forgiven some who were purposely malignant, hurtful and harmful to me and caused me pain and sorrow. Those people were mistaken about me.
Forgiveness isn't easy, no body ever said it was, and sometimes it seems impossible. But wherever there is animosity in your heart, there is no love.
DB - The Vagabond
*********************
AUTUMN QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)
At what event of the past do you wish you could be present? Why?
8 responses so far.
dbdacoba@aol.com
Thank you.
DB
************************
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