I think it is a miracle that I laugh every day and walk through my life with pride.
It is indeed a miracle that I can laugh. I carry sorrows with me every day. The recent loss of my only brother and sister, leaving me the only remaining member of my immediate family. The loss of beloved pets. A career cut off too soon by sickness. Living in a strange place with no friends. In serious debt. Partially crippled. What have I got to laugh about? And yet I laugh.
Indeed it is a miracle that I can walk with pride. I can think of all the rotten things I've done, the people I have betrayed, the good things I didn't do, the selfishness, the laziness, the failures, the scorn and ridicule I've given out toward those who didn't deserve it. What have I got to be proud of? And yet I walk with pride.
I was hobbling down the street today with my cane and thinking that I am never going to make it through another winter here. But I have to, because I won't be out of debt until next year. So I will. And I will laugh at myself.
I spent the week wrestling with Facebook, and it turns out to be a lemon. Like bringing home a TV that won't work. I didn't grow up in one place so I have no childhood buddies to find. I have no old friends except the ones I'm still in touch with. I hoped it would help me find my only child, but it failed to do that. I hoped it would get me readers who shared similar interests, ideas and issues, to open a discussion with them, but every time I post something it disappears only to show up on my own page, so I can read it. Oh good!
I hear the various pontiffs of America sounding off with remarks that make no sense at all. There are a lot of opinions but no one seems to have the facts. The news network the advertises just the facts has fewer facts and more opinions than the others. The others ask silly questions like "What went through your mind..."(when your parachute didn't open, when you found the gold bricks in your basement, when you were crossing the finish line)? Why not ask "What went in one ear and out the other?"
Has the world gone crazy, or has it always been crazy and I am just realizing it more? Why are we returning to racism, sexism and exclusivity. Why do people want to throw more rocks into hornets nests? Why are pornography and illegal drugs the most lucrative enterprises in the country? Why are more and more of our trusted elected officials being found in bed with the wrong girls or boys?
In the 1960's we had a revolution of gentle people. In spite of the fire hoses and tear gas and a few other heinous acts of subhuman atrocity, we remained gentle. And we pointed out what was wrong with the country and what was right about it. We did it with reason and persistence. It is the gentleness that ends wars and prevents them. And we changed things. That was 50 years ago. A half a century. Now why are people trying to turn back the improvements made. Where are the gentle revolutionaries of today. The rock and rap singers? Hardly. The Tea Party? That's a joke. The DNC? Another joke. The Wall Street Yuppies who let their kids throw food on the restaurant floor and ram into people on the sidewalk with their tricycles? The future road ragers? Is it the entitlement to be obnoxious and antagonistic to anyone else's welfare, to kidnap children, to hack into your computer, to produce unhealthy products and then recall them when someone finds out, to plunder the poor and middle class through excessive interest charges, to create violence in sports, to disrupt air travel, to start wars, to lie, to hate, to put the reasoning mind to sleep?
I'm only 71 years old. I will walk through the garbage strewn alley and hold my head up anyway. And no matter what trash life throws at me I will laugh.
Maybe I should post this on Facebook. I might get a response. Nah.