Friends, I'm feeling very blue at the moment. I guess I have given the impression to some that I'm a miserable old cripple who can't take care of himself, a wretched wreck of a man. Some people I know are angry with me that I'm not taking better care of myself. I talk about hobbling in pain to the market, climbing three flights of stairs to my apartment and other things. Well, it's all true but it doesn't mean I'm miserable. I don't need Meals On Wheels. I'm able to feed myself. It's true I have a tough time keeping the apartment clean but I do it. Now they want me to check in to the old actors home in New Jersey. I'm sure it's very nice there. I don't know why I don't want to do it. Sign over my retirement income and move in with a bunch of actors. No doubt I am entitled to some help for seniors from around here. I haven't found anything about that. One of them called me stubborn. I'm independant. Always have been. Does that make me stubborn? Maybe. Is it that I don't want to accept being old? Well, I don't. Pardon me for all this alas and woe is me. I just had to sound off a little bit.
The Vagabond
6 comments:
Well to the 'some' that are getting on you for sounding off, I first hope that I am not one of them. Everyone is entitled to expressing their feelings whether or not they meet the expectations of others says more about them than it does about you. Even though this is a public domain, it doesn't mean that we can't express our feelings the way that we want.
As far as this 'old actors home', if it is more convienient for you and offer you a better quality of life... maybe it is worth consideration.
I know there are times where I would trade a little freedom for the independance that I cling to. Then I think about how that is working out with the Patriot Act and what Ben Franklin said about those who trade freedoms for security.
But I don't think this is quite the same. I know that I don't think I can continue to indefinitely fall back on my Dad and after him, who else would I have to lean on? When I do get settled, finding out how I would qualify for such a place is next on my agenda. For me that would be maitaining my independance, because I would not have to go hat in hand to any of my unreliable at best sisters.
Well I don't see you as being miserable but as someone who is competing against life, struggling with shaping it in the image in your mind.
Keep ragin', my friend. Keep ragin' against the embers. They are not completely extinguished.
Who is "they" that want you to check into the old actors home in New Jersey. Seems "they" are taking a lot of liberties in telling you what to do with your life, cause it is your life afterall and you should be able to live it as you see fit. You are relatively young to be in a position to give up your independence. Sure some of the old parts don't work as well as they used to, a little rust, a little wear and tear, but your brain seems to be working quite well. So why do "they" feel the need to make your decisions for you? 71 is defintiely not all that "old" and in no way signifies that you need to rush off to the old actor's home. If you are safe in your home, then so be it. When the time comes to move on, then let that be your decision to make and not someone else's.
Thank you Pacifica
You have every right to feel blue.
You can imagine yourself to be any colour under the sun.
Please forgive me if I cannot see you dressed in any colour other than every shade of red with gold trim as you stand on the stage,sounding off just a little bit...like...
"They" never know like YOU do and "they" are not in charge of your destiny nor should "they" pass judgement on you. Is there really a place of old actors? I bet that would be one interesting place to visit.
Glad that you maintain your independence and that there is some fight remaining. I am sure that any suggestions are from people who care and do not want you to struggle more than you need to.
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