Wednesday, May 2, 2012

If anyone cares

Hopeless

I can't stay here. I have to leave and go somewhere. I don't feel safe.

My forcer friend, Teresa, who continuously deceived me all those many months with no remorse is a customer of the dope dealer next door, and still deceptive and devious. She can slip past my bedroom window if the shade is down. It's fun.

I can t tell you how painful and frightening it is for me. Knowing, or even suspecting, that she's here brings back all the broken heart and feeling of humiliation and unimportance.

Last night she met him in the car in the parking lot underneath my window to avoid seeing me. She doesn't care. I almost walked out there just to catch a glimps of her, but I thought it might frighten her, so I didn't. Why should I love and care so much for her. There are those who tell me she's not worth it. Perhaps they're right. New wine must be put into new bottles.

I never judged her for her interest in drugs, I only judged her for deceiving me. But when you are an attractive woman in your thirties it seems drugs are more important than an old man's heart.


It's killing me.

DB
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4 comments:

Arlene (AJ) said...

DB, don't let all of this overwhelm you dear, it's just making each moment of your day worse. Put the past with her behind you, if you don't you're allowing it to stress you out, not worth it. You really need to talk with someone about this, be it a church pastor or support group.

bakelite buffoon said...

Hi. I've got a nice one bedroom flat downstairs that is empty and up for rent. It's not NYC, but I have a tree in the front yard that shades and covers the front window with green, wi-fi is included and though my neighborhood isn't the greatest, there's no drug useage in my house. I have a son who is still unemployed, a closet intellectual. He would like you. Just a thought. Hang in there. There's obviously a lot of people out there who care about you!

Arlene (AJ) said...

Hey DB - bakelite buffoon may be something to think about if you could get out of your new rent agreement because of all that is happening there.

Beth said...

You are giving this woman far too much power over you.