Monday, October 25, 2010

False Friends

The building blocks of civilization are cemented together by friendship.

Dana Bate
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I swear I think I would rather sit here, by myself, in my attic sanctuary, and have no friends at all than to have false friends.

Why does so-called friendship have to extend to only one way giving? Why does it depend on giving at all. A person can not buy my friendship with their generosity. They can buy it with character and love. As a matter of fact I can be very grateful for someone's charity and help and find that it comes with some strings. A person's behavior toward me is worth more than anything else.

We give what we can to help others, but we must not withdraw our good thoughts about those people. If we think enough of them to do something for them then the good deeds should be done without conditions. That's friendship.

I'm sorry to find and report that I have a long list of used-to-bes, and I wonder why. I am not fooling myself that I ever did something really dreadful to some people on that list and have forgotten it. It merely seems that I turned out to be not the man they thought I was, or, more likely, the friendship, in spite of the indications, was not a genuine friendship to begin with.

Who knows what it is that makes people turn their backs on others they have known for a long time. It has been my experience that people who do that don't talk about it, hence one never knows what caused it. If personal problems arise and someone is in trouble that's when a friend is so important. Otherwise it's a matter of unsolvable dispute and disagreement. In which case it should be discussed not walked away from.

In a few cases I think I know why I am being ignored, unfriended. But I'm just guessing. If the one who has done that won't talk about it, then I drop the issue.

In my recent decades of history I broke off one friendship of 20 years. It was a result of some very persistent bad behavior toward me which embittered me and when I ended the friendship I wrote a letter explaining exactly why. Nothing can interfere with my love, but the friendship is over

Things like that can make me suspicious of the friends I have, which is a terrible state of mind to be in. If the cement chips away and the building blocks fall into ruin, how is civilization going to survive?

I look at this list of former, so-called friends and search myself to make sure if a friend calls I may not have the answer but he has my response. When the terrors threaten someone has to watch your back.

DB - The Vagabond
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AUTUMN QUESTION

(This is not a contest.)

At what event of the past do you wish you could be present? Why?

5 responses so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you.
DB
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8 comments:

Big Mark 243 said...

A brother like me has never been popular. I am definitely an aquired taste. But it doesn't bother me one whit.

Neither does my liking you mean that I expect you to like me. I don't think appreciation for another human being requires mutual appreciation. I think that as individuals, it is more that we participate without expectation of reward and that is that. In the animal kindom, they simply do and from what I know of it, they don't complain about their rank in life. They have and know their role, and that is that.

Maybe I am guilty of over simplification, but that is how I see things.

Silver said...

It always hurts when friendship had to take a different path.

pacifica62 said...

This thread keeps re-appearing from time to time in your entries so it must be an important one to you. I hope that your anguish over losing some good friends for unexplained reasons will not stop you from finding new friends. People tend to weave their way in and out of our life all the time. Some will be around forever, and some for little while, but all of them will have a profound effect on the person that we are or will beoome. Appreciate people for who they are and realize that they might just be passing aquaintances before you and they move on. We need not always blame ourselves if things do not work out as sometimes it was just meant to be. I just love what Big Mark said "I am definitely an aquired taste".

Ana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

They say that people come in to our lives for a reason and a season. Hopefully those whose lives we've touch have been made better by doing so. I also have a long list of used to be s. I guess that comes with age. Some I thought would be forever friends turned out to be my worst enemies. More and more I find my family to be the best friends I have. I'll always have them no matter what.

Arlene (AJ) said...

I've been blessed to only have to call a stop to one of my forever friendships I've been blessed with...so I count myself really fortunate. We may not always agree with each other, but have respect for each of our differences and when we talk or visit even if it's been awhile, it's like it was just yesterday we'd been together. I know this may not be the same for others, but you have to allow yourself to move if you lossed a friendship, don't allow it to bring you down. If we're lucky tomorrow will bring a new friendship our way to enjoy and love.

Just Bill said...

Dana, wow that red on your blog is really RED.
Re: Friends, I have said for years "I only have two friends and one is dead the other I haven't seen in five years"
I guess he is dead also. I seem to have outlived most if not all of the friends that I ever had.
My current best friend, whom I have known for 20 years is two years older than I am. Like that since most of the time when I am in a room and look around I find that I am the oldest person.
A couple of weeks ago I told him that next March I want him to go to lunch when I take a friend of mine from Bristol out for a birthday lunch/
Take care hang in there, your friend Bill

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Friendship is such an interesting topic. We come into contact with many people in our lives, but how many can we truly consider friends. I have had many acquaintances, but my true friends, that is much more limited.