Reconciliation

It turned out that my kind and generous friend was continually deceiving me. Deception is fatal to love and friendship. Is reconciliation even possible?

My Friends

Always be a little kinder than necessary.

James M. Barrie
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Hello Everyone.
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Whether you are celebrating a holiday or not, wherever you are I wish you a joyful day.

I think the thing I am most grateful for this time in my life is friendship. I have blogspot friends, IM friends, email friends, telephone friends, postage stamp friends and some friends who I have actually seen and know. I've got friends. I also have friends between the covers of books and on CDs. I have a lot of friends.

This seems to be a good time, this season of The Gathering, to come together with friends if only in your thoughts, to remember why someone is your friend, what makes a particular friendship and why you care for someone. The thoughts and feelings of friendship are powerfully positive ones in the dark skies and cold winds of approaching winter.

We share a part of our lives with our friends as they share some of theirs with us. That's a blessed commerce. It helps to balance the uncertainty of the future and to define life as it should be.

I may be a vagabond but there is room in my heart for many people, my friends.

May you have a happy thanks giving.

DB - The Vagabond

Never Give Up
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Read Your Mail

What we need is to love without getting tired.

Mother Teresa
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Hello Stuart
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I am so far behind in responding to my emails that sometimes I think I should just stand on the corner of a busy intersection some where and hand out cards that say "Thank You" to everyone who passes by.

I think I missed a few birthdays and was late on one (sorry Jen) and way behind on people's comings and goings. It isn't unusual for me to be up at 2 in the morning reading old emails and responding to some of them.

Why do I care? Because, as innocuous as it may seem at times, the contacts we make through this miracle of modern trouble making called the computer, are golden threads of friendship and care. Facebook really ought to be called Sharebook. Personal experiences are put online to be shared by others and sometimes problems are solved by someone out there in E-land who knows the answer. I know I am always grateful for someone who has done battle with some Google Monster and won and thus can pass on the right moves to make.

Knowing something about human nature you know that every one, even if he's the worst skink in the world, is in need of some affection and understanding on some level of his life in spite of what his social network face may suggest.

At least, but very important, this Internet specter enables us to keep lines of communication open between people who may never meet but who have become friends and acquaintances.

Read blogs, and, if you have something to say leave a comment. Sometimes it's good to know just that somebody read your blog. Read your emails and answer them. Go through Facebook and Twitter and whatever else you're connected to and see what's happening. And don't put it off just because you're weary. The other person wants to hear from you. As the little girl said "Love is what makes you smile even when you're tired."

Don't have time? Neither do I. That's why you end up with a mountain of unanswered mail, like mine. But I keep at it when I do have some time. So if I respond to an email you sent me in September don't be surprised.

DB - The Loving Vagabond
Never Give Up
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WEEKEND CONTEST ANSWER

A farmer son loads some pumpkins in his pick up truck and goes out to deliver them to various markets around town.

At the first market he delivers Half of the pumpkins in his truck plus half a pumpkin.
At the second market he leaves half of the pumpkins in his truck plus half a pumpkin.
At the third market he gives them half of the pumpkins he has plus half a pumpkin.
At the forth market he delivers half of the pumpkins he has plus half a pumpkin.
Then he drives his truck back to the farm to get more pumpkins because he's run out of them.
How many pumpkins did he have in the truck to begin with?

The Answer is 15

The only winner was the persistent Val, who therefore wins the genuine Lego pitchfork.

DB
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AUTUMN QUESTION
This is not a contest

What event over the past year changed your life, a lot or a little?

Autumn is moving along.
Only 6 answers so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

I eagerly await your answers.
DB
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Fading Flowers

Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life.

Thomas Jefferson
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I have often said I believe friendship is the network that holds civilization together. The true value of a friend is something we often take for granted.

Yesterday a friend asked me if I ever get depressed. I didn't identify any particular depression. I don't like depression, it interferes with my attitude, And last night I talked with another friend whom I have known for 40 years. We did several plays together and now we talk on the phone about once every 3 months, but we are good friends. He is going through some dark times and talking with him would tend to depress me. I didn't let it, for his sake as well as mine.

But reading this quote from Jefferson I am pondering my former friends and that is a depressing thing to do. I suppose it's partly due to my vagabond life, always shifting physically, mentally or emotionally, putting down roots, then uprooting myself to move on. But even so I have friends from way back who are still in my life.

People move away, one loses contact, you can't find an address or a phone number and so it goes. I have lost friends because they got married and the wife or husband didn't like me. But the worst is when someone cuts you off without a word, without an explanation and who won't take your calls, leave a message or answer a letter.. There is a man in New York who stopped being my friend because he is convinced I lied to him about an important matter dealing with money. I didn't, but I can't talk to him about it since he will not communicate with me.

As Gertrude Stein put it "Before the Flowers of Friendship Faded Friendship Faded."

A friend is one who appreciates you and is happy and complimentary if you do something good. But a friend is also some one who tells you your wrong if you do something wrong. If you didn't like my performance tell me what you think is wrong with it so I can consider it and maybe improve. If you don't like my writing and you're my friend, speak up. If you don't like me and don't want to be my friend say so, don't just disappear down a dark alley. I know what a broken heart is and can deal with it.

Sometimes I want to say "Aw. You can all go to hell!" But I don't mean it. I will always care about the people I care about and those who feel the need to apologize to me don't need to, they've already been forgiven.

DB - The Vagabond
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HELL'S BELLS
Last weekend people had fun with the ball.
This weekend let's play with the bells

The winner is the one who comes up with the most number references using bell or bells. So ring 'em up.
dbdacoba@aol.com

Good luck
DB
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Grab The Net

What my tongue does not, that my heart shall say.

Shakespeare
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2:30 in the morning. There is no traffic outside. There are no sounds in the building, My housemates are either asleep or away. On the CD player is music that was recorded many years ago and is now in my collection. I make myself a cup of tea. The street lamp is lit outside my apartment. Those things are my only proof of civilization.

I feel like the only person in the universe. NASA has put me on a spacecraft to a distant planet and now I live in total isolation with but the artifacts of existence around me. I know I am alive, And that is my only proof of life.

But this is the time when I read other people's journals. I know most everyone but my European and Asian friends are asleep. And if I write a comment it will probably not be read until I'm asleep. But the friends and fellow citizens of the world that I have come to know over the Internet are the source of continuity and grace for a solitary, lonely space traveler, living by himself on his own planet.

I have learned the bitter way not to gush with excessive gratitude over things, because sometimes they disappear. But a silent thank you must go out to the people who read me and write me and who are glad to hear from me when I write to them. I could name names but I would, no doubt, leave someone out accidentally. I just think it is important from time to time to stop and reflect on the fact of invisible friendships and what they mean to one's life and to this world as it floats through space.

There's love in them there emails. And that's a fact. At 2:30 a. m. I go out on my balcony. It's cold, but i don't care. If it's a clear night I look up and see stars. I realize I am looking into the vast universe of which I am an almost invisible part. And I know I am on a planet that is part of that vastness. Nothing supports the Earth's roaming except natural laws. I also wonder what law supports me in a my vagabond life. And what supports the people who live on this floating globe except commerce, trade and the exchange of information and ideas. And what binds us is the world wide network of friendship. Sometimes that net is broken by disrespect, carelessness, cruelty, misery or loss. But like the spider I recently wrote about, the net gets repaired and life and love go on.

So to my friends of the keyboard, thank you for being there.

DB - Vagabond
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Weekend Puzzle

A man goes out gambling one day. He goes to the first casino and pays $4 entrance fee.. While there he doubles his money and pays $4 to leave.

He goes to a second casino which charges him $4 to enter. He doubles his money and then pays another $4 to get out.

At the third casino he pays the $4 to enter. While in there he doubles his money and again pays $4 to exit.

Feeling good he enters a fourth casino, pays the $4 entry fee and doubles his money. After he pays the $4 to leave that casino he has no money left. He's broke.

How much money did he have to begin with, before he entered the first casino?

Good luck
dbdacoba@aol.com
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

False Friends

The building blocks of civilization are cemented together by friendship.

Dana Bate
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I swear I think I would rather sit here, by myself, in my attic sanctuary, and have no friends at all than to have false friends.

Why does so-called friendship have to extend to only one way giving? Why does it depend on giving at all. A person can not buy my friendship with their generosity. They can buy it with character and love. As a matter of fact I can be very grateful for someone's charity and help and find that it comes with some strings. A person's behavior toward me is worth more than anything else.

We give what we can to help others, but we must not withdraw our good thoughts about those people. If we think enough of them to do something for them then the good deeds should be done without conditions. That's friendship.

I'm sorry to find and report that I have a long list of used-to-bes, and I wonder why. I am not fooling myself that I ever did something really dreadful to some people on that list and have forgotten it. It merely seems that I turned out to be not the man they thought I was, or, more likely, the friendship, in spite of the indications, was not a genuine friendship to begin with.

Who knows what it is that makes people turn their backs on others they have known for a long time. It has been my experience that people who do that don't talk about it, hence one never knows what caused it. If personal problems arise and someone is in trouble that's when a friend is so important. Otherwise it's a matter of unsolvable dispute and disagreement. In which case it should be discussed not walked away from.

In a few cases I think I know why I am being ignored, unfriended. But I'm just guessing. If the one who has done that won't talk about it, then I drop the issue.

In my recent decades of history I broke off one friendship of 20 years. It was a result of some very persistent bad behavior toward me which embittered me and when I ended the friendship I wrote a letter explaining exactly why. Nothing can interfere with my love, but the friendship is over

Things like that can make me suspicious of the friends I have, which is a terrible state of mind to be in. If the cement chips away and the building blocks fall into ruin, how is civilization going to survive?

I look at this list of former, so-called friends and search myself to make sure if a friend calls I may not have the answer but he has my response. When the terrors threaten someone has to watch your back.

DB - The Vagabond
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AUTUMN QUESTION

(This is not a contest.)

At what event of the past do you wish you could be present? Why?

5 responses so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you.
DB
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Behind The Drape

The friendship that can cease has never been real.

Saint Jerome
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How many ways have I been fooled? Let me count them. No, let me not. I'll just count one. My propensity for allowing the linen drapery to be pulled over my vision when it comes to assessing other people's character. I have written, and I believe, it is the network of friendships that keeps civilization intact. When that net is broken it needs to be repaired.

A friend is one with whom you agree and disagree, one with whom you share secrete and confidences, one with whom you can laugh and cry. A friend is one you must visit in the hospital or the prison. A friend is one who knows what's wrong with you and doesn't care. A friend is one who forgives you and whom you forgive if necessary. A friend is one who supports you in your ambitions. A friend is one who gladly shares your successes, who is not jealous of your good fortune or contented to see your failures.

I used to have a goodly collection of friends. Or so I thought. But over the years so many of them have disappeared from my life without a reason. My attempts to contact them and understand their coldness have been without response.

In one case it was someone I had known for 20 years. In another case it was people I had known for over 30 years. I thought there was real friendship there. I was fooled. The drapery finally came off and the charade was over.

The one time I broke off a relationship with someone it was unnecessary because the "friendship" was already over, in fact it had never been there. Someone I had known for decades suddenly became hostile and malignant toward me. The lies he told weren't even in disguise. There were sign posts along the way and I paid no attention to them. I was very forthright and honest with him about why I no longer considered him a friend.

But another person I knew well convinced himself I had done something to him (which I didn't do) and that I had lied about it. He would not believe me and so I was written out of his life without a word.

There are others who have gone with no explanation even though I have asked for one. I have often said that I probably like people better than they like me. In all these cases the coldness hasn't changed my feelings about them. If one of my former friends showed up at my door I would probably take him in. But now I am much more cautious about offers of friendship and professions of love. A false friend can be more hurtful than an enemy.

Now I have a small collection of friendly people thanks to Google. But I've actually only met one of them, and he's a good guy. The rest are invisible. They are behind the drapery for now. Will they be lasting friends? I hope so. Time will tell.

The lesson is to be careful about who you take into your heart as a friend. If it doesn't come back to you in a way you can believe is real keep at least an arms length between you. Call me naive but I never want to believe there is a dagger hiding behind the drapery. I'm finally growing up.

Shakespeare had the best advice, as usual: "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."

DB - The Vagabond
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WEEKEND PUZZLE

Let us now praise middle names.

These are the middle names of some famous and infamous wh dwellers.
Who are they?

ABRAM
ALAN
CLARK
DAVID
EARL
GAMALIEL
HENRY
HOWARD
KNOX
RUDOLPH
SIMPSON
WALKER
WILSON

Good luck
DB
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Friendship

We love those who know the worst of us and don't turn their faces away.

Walker Percy
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I think there ought to be a manifesto connected with every friendship. Not a catalogue of things you expect from a friend but an unwritten document, based upon as much self knowledge as you have and can admit to yourself, that states "this is who I am and if you are my friend you will accept me as who I am and I will do the same for you." Another part of that manifesto should read "I may not be who you think I am and you may not be who I think you are, but we can both learn more about each other."

I have lost friends over the years and it always confuses me when I see them depart from me. There is never a reason given, a real reason, but it was likely to be something selfish on their part. They didn't get from me what they thought I would give or they got tired of pretending to be my friend. Maybe the so-called friendship was based on some shared interest that has faded. Whatever the reason I think friendship should be based on love that rides over the circumstances and keeps two people attached by an invisible thread as strong as a steel cable.

This I learned from my own experience. I think about people I once knew that I loved and admired. They were friends of mine and yet they aren't in my life any more. Why not? I know one very good reason. I tried to be the person they thought I was and wanted to be and I failed. Another good reason is that they became not the people I thought they were. The only time I actively broke off a friendship it was with a clear explanation of that person's belligerence and malignancy toward me. An unexpected result of my having the wrong opinion of them.

I believe it is the network of friendship that keeps civilization together. That net should never be broken and it can't be if friends don't turn on or away from each other.

I thought yesterday of starting a new journal labeled "Where are you?" and listing all the people I used to know and liked who have disappeared. I tried to locate a few on Facebook to no success. But I will bet some of them might still be close friends if the pieces could be picked up and joined again.

I don't want to lose friends by being who I am. But if it must be then it must be. I'm not going to change who I am to fit someone else's glove and I don't want anyone else to do that for me. We can love and accept each other for who we are, wrinkles and all, if we try. You got a problem with that?

DB - The Vagabond
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SUMMER QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)

Who are the 2 (two) most important people alive today? Why?

Only 5 responses so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you.
DB
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A Friend

Never let the threat of being misunderstood curtail your expression.

Marty Brandel
(Thank you Marty)
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Marty is a friend of mine. I'm a friend of his. We're friends. I don't remember when we first met, (we've been friends for a few thousand years) but I remember where. It was at a job and somehow our antennas connected from across the room. There was no formal introduction. We just eased into conversation. Both of us being basic New Yorkers we already knew each other: concrete brains, asphalt nerves. We sit around watching movies on TV, drinking beer, telling jokes and stories. We're just a couple of guys, you see.

Marty just got out of the hospital. Surgery. He's recovering just fine because he's tough. He is also an intelligent, sensitive, creative man. He makes music.

We have both helped each other face down some terrible times, put up with some difficult people and enjoyed each other's successes. We are friends for no particular reason other than that we are both good guys in a world of jerks. Or maybe there are things about each of us that the other one admires. Or maybe it's because we share the silent truth that life is what it is, can always be better, but needs to be handled with a sense of humor.
.
As the years have accumulated I have a few good friends left whom I cherish deeply.
Marty is one of those. He's probably reading this right now and he's embarrassed. Or maybe he's not. Marty is a simple man who's very complex. He's a complex man who's very simple.

I think if Marty and I met trying to cross a river on a narrow bridge, like Robin Hood and Little John, we would both jump in the water and have a good laugh.

I love you Marty.

DB
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I'm still looking for someone to show me how to rearrange the titles on my web page, The titles under "My Blogs" are in the wrong order. Help.
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WINTER QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)

Given the resources and opportunity, what one thing do you want to do in 2010 that you've never done before.

You have all Winter to answer. Answers will be posted on the first day of Spring.
20 responses so far.

DB - The Vagabond

Favorite Friends

Love is the reason for it all.

Dorothy Fields
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I have some more thank yous to pass out. I was very impressed by some of the comments I received about the last entry I made before the disaster, Enlightened Ebbing, Because of the computer trouble I wasn't able to read them until last Tuesday evening. I'm grateful for the good thinking of the commenters. I am also very pleased with the responses from people who are glad I'm back on line.

I was talking with someone the other day about former friends. We have all known people who have passed from our lives, not always necessarily for good reasons. I was thinking about people I used to know and thought that I had more former friends than I have friends. But then there's a strong possibility that there are friends I haven't met yet.

Friendship is a difficult thing to measure. Good time friends are fun. But when the dangers and fears of life start to threaten is when real friendship is tested.

One of the hardest things about my recent trouble was that I could not tell anyone why I wasn't communicating any more. Along with that came the rage over the injustice of not being able to put down my ideas and explore the ideas of others. It may seem like a small matter considering how much some people are suffering, but a wrong is wrong no matter how big or small it is. And no one should have to abide them.

The purpose of my journals has always been to share and exchange, not to complain, pass harsh judgement or be abusive to anyone. It is a practice of love that prompts it. To be deprived of that practice for a stupid reason, or for any reason, is not acceptable to me or the world.

When I signed on to my computer October 13 the first thing it said was that it could not connect with Windows. I called Verizon and was told to insert the Windows CD. That didn't work. I then called Dell who while attempting to fix it discovered that I could not get on the Internet. He advised me to call Verizon. Thus began a series of phone calls, some of which were 3 to 5 hours long, as one technician after another tried to fix the problem. Picture me with feathers flying back and forth across a net.

I discovered today that by a stroke of good thinking I had saved all of my stories on one of my journals. Everything is there, including all of "Brian and Christine." The only one missing is the tale about Blackie the Bristol Python. But I know I printed that one out.

Simple joys are best.
DB - The Vagabond

Methodical Maturing 2/20/09

The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our lives, the clearer we should see through it.

Machiavelli
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So there you are, are you?
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The best friends one can have are those who point out your failings, you foolishness and your pretensions, laughing with you, perhaps, but not at you or scorning you. I am grateful to have had some friends like that in the past. And even though I may have felt resentful and tried to justify myself at the time, I look back now and see genuine love and concern.

I don't like to look back at my past life. There are a lot of events there I don't care to remember, but I can recall with amusement the times when I was passionate about some foolishness, putting on airs about myself, and trying to behave like someone I wasn't. Every time there is something about myself I don't understand, sand will fill up the hole for me.

One of the great advantages of getting older is that there is less sand in the way of becoming acquainted with myself. I could waste a lot of time being ashamed of things I did in the past But why bother? Now I can look through the glass and see the things I might be ashamed of ten years from now and know how to avoid them.

Don't forget that the sandman is the character who is supposed to lull us to sleep so that we will dream sweet dreams of who we are not, instead of seeing who we are. So wipe the sand from your eyes. The person you are today is much better than that silly, pretensions, ignorant, buffoon you used to be.

And don't watch the sand slowly escaping into the bottom of the hourglass. Look up to see where the light is coming through.

DB - The Vagabond
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It's your world, treat it well.