Good Choices

In choosing a friend, go up a step.

The Talmud
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Hello Sandy
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Did you ever wonder what it would be like to put all of your friends in one room together? Would they get along with each other? Or would you be the only thing they have in common?

I have fantasized that if I ever struck it rich, I mean multimillion dollar rich, I would rent an island somewhere with a nice hotel and a beach and invite all my friends to a big month long party, I love them so much.

I have a very diverse group of friends. A few are actors (naturally, since I've spent so many years in show business) but the rest are not. A few are artists. The rest are not. Some are scientists. The rest are not. A few are musicians. The rest are not. One is a writer, one a nurse, one a broadcaster. The rest are not. And so on. Furthermore, some of them now live way out west. The others don't.

So I wonder, if the great golden ring were to drop onto my plate and I held such a party, if they would all get along with each other? Would the writer and one of the actors have a disagreement about the theory of art? Would the scientists feel out of place? Would the broadcaster and the nurse get into a spat about politics? Would there be affairs, misunderstandings, jealousies, broken hearts? I would hope not but I can foresee it happening. My friends are sensitive, interesting, vital, thinking people and the one sure thing I can say about them is that in choosing them I went up a step. And the one sure thing I can say about my former friends is that I didn't and neither did they. So be careful where you step.

DB - The Vagabond
Never give up.
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The Seder

We build where monsters used to hide themselves.

Longfellow
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Hello Stuart
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I have been to a few Passover Seders. They are traditionally joyous events with good food, songs, games and some history lessons. You don't have to be Jewish. If you are invited to a Seder go and have a good time.

I knew a man years ago who was a full bred German. He had been conscripted into the German Army during World War Two. Even though he was a German soldier he had a lot of Jewish friends. He talked about the tension and fierceness of his life and how much he hated the Nazis. He was fortunate enough that he wasn't on the front lines or assigned to a prison camp or concentration camp. He feared constantly for the Jewish people he knew, some of whom did not make it through, and for his homeland in general..

He spoke of Hitler and the German government as being very intelligent, but brutal, sadistic and uncompromising. He said they were monsters. When the war ended and he could take off his uniform and go home he was greatly relieved.

But, he told me, there was still one more thing to do. All Jewish religious celebrations had been outlawed by the Nazi government. But with the Nazis defeated it was time to celebrate again. And when Passover came the first Seder since before the war was celebrated in Berlin. He was there, along with thousands of people, Jews and non Jews, to sing and laugh and enjoy freedom from the monsters.
,
DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never Give Up
(if it's bad it will end, if it's good it will happen.)**************************


Recipe for Restored Friendship.

Risks tried.
Confessions made.
Wrongs forgiven.
Explanations offered.
Affections admitted.
Love allowed.

DB

Friends

Recipe for Restored Friendship.

Risks tried.
Confessions made.
Wrongs forgiven.
Explanations offered.
Affections admitted.
Love allowed.

And There Was Light

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.

J R R Tolkien
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Oh, I know what you're thinking. "Life is serious bushiness. What's the point of having a sense of humor about it?" Stay tuned and I'll tell you.

I consider one of the great blessings of my life, as a result of going on the Internet in 2004, is the collection of friends I've made through the journals, originally in Jland and now in The Google Blogspot, and my list of email buddies. Most of you I haven't met and some of you I never will meet but I feel and know there is real love shared. I could name names but I might leave someone out by accident. And I note that because of facade book and tweeter some folks aren't blogging much any more. But I am still and am still trying to understand and write the truth.

I also think with affection about my lost and former friends, Some folks have left my life for various personal reasons. But others have turned away when they thought I was leading into dark areas. One person said my journal entries were whiney and self-indulgent. It's a gracious fact that others didn't find them so who were faced with similar problems and decisions. We all have the right and freedom to draw from our own life experiences to offer compassion, understanding and advice.

I've been told that I was going down a dark road. Well, damn, sometimes the road is dark but that doesn't mean there's no light on it. I've always tried to conduct my life with joy and a sense of humor. That means I bring my light with me. And your lights come gliding through your journals even when the news is grim. So when the darkness comes take my hand, we'll laugh and get through it.

I love my friends, even the faithless ones. When night falls and the fierce and terrifying storm is raging outside anyone who comes to my simple, sloppy home seeking chocolate, laughter, love, music or safety, in any order, will find them.

DB - The Vagabond
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SUMMER QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)

Who are the 2 (two) most important people alive today? Why?

5 responses so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you.
DB
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Lost And Found

It is vital that people count their blessings to appreciate what they possess without having to go through its actual loss.

Abraham Maslow
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As the decades roll by I certainly rue the loss of some of the things, people, places and experiences I once knew. Some of the things I lost were things I had to leave behind due to my vagabond life. Others were things I let go of foolishly. People sometimes discard other people as if they were worn out bedroom slippers. I wish I hadn't been so discarded, but it was someone's choice and I have come to live with it graciously. Today I am realizing there are things I can let go of. There are books I used to feel so attached to I never wanted to be away from but that now don't interest me much any more. There was music that I thought was vital to my life which I have since outgrown. I feel comfortable about letting things go and settling for the things I really cherish. Most of those things have been with me all my life. Some of them are tangibles, like my Shakespeare, and some are intangibles, like faith, hope, forward thinking, the knowledge that there are things out there that really exist but that I haven't discovered yet.

Then there are the people. I have discarded a few in my time. Those were mostly people who began to express qualities that I found unacceptable to my heart. In a few cases I went away because someone wanted me to go away. But I have been the old bedroom slipper to others, many times. I just accept that now. It's heartbreaking, but as Gertrude Stein wrote "Before the fires of friendship died, friendship died." That's what makes it so difficult.

But then I think about the friends I have now. There aren't very many but almost all of them are people I have known for many years, in some cases many decades, and they are still there. Isn't that a remarkable thing?

DB
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Weekend Survey

There is a big birthday party for Janice and her friends and family.

A lot of people have come to it. The list includes Alice, Bob, Cathy and Charlie, Donna, Eugene, George and Janet, Lucinda, Mark, Nancy, Olivia, Rose, Ruth and Sam, Terry and good old Will.

Many of them have brought gifts.

1. A small package wrapped in white with a silver bow, Looks like it might have come from a jewelry store.

2. A medium sized rectangular box, wrapped in blue with a red ribbon, might be a book.

3. A large flat package in simple brown wrapping with a strings tied around it and a card stuck under the string. Some important documents maybe.

4 A large box wrapped in a many colored paper with a flower design on it. I wonder what that is.

5. Another rectangular box, thicker than the other one, beautifully wrapped in a gold paper with a black ribbon finished off in a perfect bow. Another book? Or a few books?

6. Hard to hide the plant sitting on the floor with green paper wrapped around it and some circular object at the base with a green plastic thing peeking out.

7. A larger rectangular box, fairly thick and light, looks like it might be clothes.

8 A square box in a striped blue and yellow paper wrapping, on top is a pretty red bow.

9. One very large box, apart from the rest, big enough to hold any number of electronic things. It's wrapped in Muslin.

10. A medium sized circular package, inside a bag, with a store name on it, which has been taped shut.

11. Another very large package, not in a box, but completely covered over with a wrapper left over from Christmas. A card is taped to the side of it.

Your assignment is to decide, in your opinion, which package Janet should open up first. Please leave the number of your choice on my email dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you
DB

Kindness Keys 8/29/09

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.

Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Hurry and get you note book ready because September is coming and that means all the quotes will be from DB....
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Last night, while I was asleep, someone came into my apartment and stole the whistle out of my tea kettle. Now, when the water boils, the poor thing just groans.
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It is the network of friendship that cements civilization together. That has been said by many people in many different ways. And I agree. A good friendship is like a bethel, a safe harbor in the storms of life. A good friend is one who will listen to your grief, fear and rage without being shocked or disgusted. A good friend is one who will allow you to go temporarily crazy without reporting you to the authorities. A good friend is one who will share your joy and be happy that you are happy. A good friend is one who will applaud your success without being envious. A good friend is one who sill prevent you from putting your foot in the bear trap, or will help you get free if you do. A good friend is one who genuinely cares about you.

But one of the oddest phenomena of life is the comfort of strangers when the bad accidents of life happen and the pain is intense, and, at the same time, the unexplained retreat of friends.

I have been searching myself to find those times when I could have been there for a friend and I wasn't. Yes, there were times I could have been a better friend. I'm trying to understand why I wasn't. Did I have some dispute with my friend? So what, we were friends and the trouble transcends any dispute. Was I too lazy to help? I have been able to tax myself to the limit when something was important to me. Was I too self-involved to be of help? Ah, there's a good excuse. I've got my own problems. Why should I bother about anyone else's?

The answer is that we share life, we share breathe, we share the planet. If there is trouble, natural disasters, illness, poverty, meanness, people doing terrible things to other people, it means there is danger on our own doorstep, sitting on our own front porch. If there is one person unlawfully imprisoned our own freedoms are threatened. If there is one pitiful creature suffering cruelty at the hands of some sadist it means we, as a people, are represented in the world by the worst of humanity. If someone is dying and we don't surround them with the comfort of life it is sending them off in a shroud of despair.

In my current anguish I have been graced with an overwhelming gush of sympathy, encouragement, advice and care by many people, some whose names I don't even know. It is the network of friendship that cements civilization together. But how do we define and measure friendship? To protect and defend life is a full time job. It is not for the absent and silent, it is not about philosophy, politics or opinions. It is about having the courage to reach into the fire to rescue someone from it. It is about surrounding the fallen and vulnerable to protect them from harm. It is about rising from the bed of warmth and comfort to provide comfort to the distressed. It is about going out even in the midst of your own darkness to applaud the sun rising in someone's life. It is about marching alongside one who is going into battle against the world's villainy. It is about lifting the other end of the heavy weight of fear without being asked. It is about standing tall, strong and high above everything that pulls people down.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

John Donne
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Vagabond Journeys
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Terse Truth 12/03/08

What we need is to love without getting tired.

Mother Teresa
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Even if you don't like them much, your relatives are always your relatives, family is always family, no matter what. But it's not the same with friends. They come along, but they can also go. Sometimes they just die. Sometimes they move away and you lose contact. I was talking with someone this afternoon who remarked that she feels she lost a bunch of friends when we moved from "the A word" over here to Google Land and I think that's true. "What ever happened to so and so? Where did she go?" If we didn't grab or send an email address in time a friendship is lost.

Also, it is more difficult to keep in touch with people over here with this cumbersome Google system. Soon I will put all the blogs I want to read on my favorites list as I did in "the other place."

But there are other ways to lose a friend. Sometimes one of them will marry or otherwise settle down with someone who doesn't like you. That's happened to me twice. You try to keep up a friendship, but it's torn.

Then there are those who are the unfortunate receivers of lies and gossip about you. Malicious people who have nothing better to do than to fabricate false information about you out of jealousy or some other sub-human motive, can destroy a friendship. That has happened to me three times.

What can be said for the friend who suddenly turns unfriendly and becomes malignant. That also happened to me in a very heartbreaking manner. Suddenly, for no stated reason, a friend of many years wasn't a friend any more.

Then there are those who simply disappear. Where is my friend George C.? We were sending emails back and forth and then mine began the DAEMON route. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know if he's dead, in jail, changed his name, won the lottery and moved to Portugal, or what. George, my dear friend, where are you?

One day I started to make a list of all the people I used to know and like that I don't know anymore. It was a very long where-are-you list. In fact it was so long I had to stop. There are too many of them. It made me sad.

Some friends are closer and more important to you than others but my advice is love all of your friends as much as you can because you never know when you might lose one.


DB

http://db-vagabondtales.blogspot.com/