What Is This Thing Called Love

A love that can last forever takes but a second to come about.

Cuban proverb
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Hello George
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Isn't it amazing how quickly we can fall in love with something or someone. It often only takes a moment in time but it seems like the spinning of a world. There is something that catches a hold of a deep sinew of our mental or emotional being and plants itself there for good.

You may see a work of art, a painting, and there is something special about it that sets it apart from all the other paintings you've seen or maybe are in the same room. You may not be able to describe what it is about the work that makes it special to you but you know in your heart that it is something forever important to you.

It happened to me when I saw the Matisse painting "The Piano Lesson." The Museum of Modern Art in New York City was being renovated. While it was going on they mounted an exhibit in a room off the service elevator. It was of a few of their pieces. I went strolling around in there, everything was hung temporarily on peg board. I turned a corner and there it was. "The Piano Lesson." I spent a long time with it. I knew that among all the millions of art works in the world, most of which I will never see, this was my favorite. A critic might say that it isn't even great Matisse, but for me it's a love affair.

You may one day hear a snatch of music that has the same effect on you and in one instant you become in love with the whole piece. Sure, you will listen to it over and over again just to hear that one passage, but you will have expanded your love to include the entire work.

I became an opera lover at an early age when I heard the wonderful sextet that concludes the first act of "The Barber Of Seville." And when I heard the rich pandemonium that ends the second act of "Die Meistersinger" I became a Wagner lover. I can't get enough of it.

Shakespeare? I have a complete works, poems and plays . I never let it out of my sight. Shakespeare loved all of his characters and so do I.

I know of people who will carry the same novel around in their pockets or hand bags wherever they go because it is so important to them. That one book deeply touches their heart and soul. Jack Kerouac's "On The Road" was my constant companion for many years.

And what about other people? What about love at first sight? It happens. I know of a happily married couple who met each other on the subway. What is it that enables someone to grab your heart so completely all at once? You may meet them once and then you will meet them again because a golden thread has been woven that ties the two of you together. You have been thinking about each other, maybe without even knowing it.

I love that scene in "All In The Family" when the character played by Jean Stapleton says that when she was a girl the boys called her all kinds of fancy names but that somehow the name Ding Bat had an air of permanence about it.

Love is one of the strangest things of all. I have friends I've known for many years. I love them. I also have some new friends of a few years. I love them. But like the Matisse painting and the Wagner operas I don't think I could ever tell you why.

As Diane Ackerman puts it "Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, but no one agrees on just what it is."

If you ever figure it out let me know.

Dana Bate - Vagabond Journeys
Never Give Up
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Love Is

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

Michael Leunig
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Hello Rose
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Anxiety is a worm that nibbles at your mind.
Depression is a dark, airless room that puts your mind in a fitful sleep.
Suspicion is a mad magician that twists your thoughts.
Rage is a hot, bright light that blinds your mind.
Hatred is a tunnel where your thoughts get lost.
Scorn is mud your mind has slipped in.
Lust is a whirlpool your mind is trapped in.
Fear is a fire that burns your thoughts.
Dishonesty is a betrayal of your mind.
Cruelty is a spider that weaves in your mind.
Laziness is a strong wind blowing your thoughts around.
Pretense is a mask hiding your true mind.
Jealousy is a bear that eats your mind.
Ignorance is grinder that make a mess of your thoughts.
Regret is a vice that squeezes your mind.


Love is medicine for a troubled mind.
Love is the sunshine that enlightens your thoughts.
Love is the enjoyment of companionship.
Love is appreciation for someone's individuality.
Love is the focus of good healing thoughts.
Love is sharing an adventurous time.
Love is making things come out right.
Love is being around when you're needed.
Love is making sure that someone is comfortable.
Love is helping to share other's burdens.
Love is being gentle with those who suffer.
Love is apologizing or forgiving when wrongs are done.
Love is looking for beauty in others and finding it.
Love is the expectation of goodness.
Love is happiness expressed.

Dana Bate - Vagabond Journeys
Never Give Up
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What's To Love?

I was adored once too.

Shakespeare
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Hello George
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Who would adore this old geezer? What's to love?

So what if he paints beautiful pictures and write interesting stories, no one in town wants to know him and his one friend turned out to be dishonest. What's to love?

So what if he wrote and sent out over seventeen hundred issues of his journal to entertain, explain and encourage, no one wants to visit him. What's to love?

So what if he knows a lot about theatre and music, he lives in a neighborhood with no ATM, no deli, no laundromat, no post office and no barber. What's to love?

What if he reads and can discuss philosophy and religion, he has bad eye sight, an injured hip, a nasty cough and no teeth. What's to love?

So what if he hitchhiked across the country once, years ago, with stories to tell, now he can't walk to the corner without crutches. What's to love?

So what if he has plans to return to New Your and go back to work, he can't even keep his apartment clean. What's to love?

So what if he likes children and animals, he looks like a bum. What's to love?

So what if he has a heart full of affection, he's just a big, old, smelly thing. What's there to love?

DB - Vagabond Journeys
Never give up.
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The Campaigners

You cannot have a proud and chivalrous spirit if your conduct is mean and paltry, for whatever a man's actions are, such must be his spirit.

Demosthenes
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Hello Lora
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Where is the love?

I see a lot of false pride. One is proud to be a Conservative. Another is proud to be a Christian even though he doesn't act like one some of the time. Another is proud to be an American and then tells me all the things that are wrong with America. What's to be proud of? Where's the love?

I see a millionaire tell me of all the programs and systems that have been put in place to help me and other Americans from falling into poverty, homelessness and despair, that he will shut down to save money. Where is the kindness, the compassion? Where is the charity?

I hear from a humorless man about other programs and systems that go to improve the simple American's standard of living that will be shut down to save money. Where is the appreciation of American culture and progress? Where's the love?

I hear sarcasm, anger and hate. I see blame. I see men in suits blame the President for things that aren't his fault. I see them blame each other for things they haven't done yet. I hear spiteful labels put on actions and ideas that are only designed to benefit. I hear Americans blamed for not being what the man in the suit, the millionaire in the suit, thinks they should be. Where is the love?

I see men attacking other men's character and personality. I see men attacking the character, personality and behavior of other Americans, people who don't agree with them. I see venom. I hear the hissing, not to make the country better but to get votes. I see low level trivia and trash. I see the actions of paltry, mean spirited men. Where is the love?

D. Bate - Vagabond
Never Give Up
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Read Your Mail

What we need is to love without getting tired.

Mother Teresa
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Hello Stuart
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I am so far behind in responding to my emails that sometimes I think I should just stand on the corner of a busy intersection some where and hand out cards that say "Thank You" to everyone who passes by.

I think I missed a few birthdays and was late on one (sorry Jen) and way behind on people's comings and goings. It isn't unusual for me to be up at 2 in the morning reading old emails and responding to some of them.

Why do I care? Because, as innocuous as it may seem at times, the contacts we make through this miracle of modern trouble making called the computer, are golden threads of friendship and care. Facebook really ought to be called Sharebook. Personal experiences are put online to be shared by others and sometimes problems are solved by someone out there in E-land who knows the answer. I know I am always grateful for someone who has done battle with some Google Monster and won and thus can pass on the right moves to make.

Knowing something about human nature you know that every one, even if he's the worst skink in the world, is in need of some affection and understanding on some level of his life in spite of what his social network face may suggest.

At least, but very important, this Internet specter enables us to keep lines of communication open between people who may never meet but who have become friends and acquaintances.

Read blogs, and, if you have something to say leave a comment. Sometimes it's good to know just that somebody read your blog. Read your emails and answer them. Go through Facebook and Twitter and whatever else you're connected to and see what's happening. And don't put it off just because you're weary. The other person wants to hear from you. As the little girl said "Love is what makes you smile even when you're tired."

Don't have time? Neither do I. That's why you end up with a mountain of unanswered mail, like mine. But I keep at it when I do have some time. So if I respond to an email you sent me in September don't be surprised.

DB - The Loving Vagabond
Never Give Up
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WEEKEND CONTEST ANSWER

A farmer son loads some pumpkins in his pick up truck and goes out to deliver them to various markets around town.

At the first market he delivers Half of the pumpkins in his truck plus half a pumpkin.
At the second market he leaves half of the pumpkins in his truck plus half a pumpkin.
At the third market he gives them half of the pumpkins he has plus half a pumpkin.
At the forth market he delivers half of the pumpkins he has plus half a pumpkin.
Then he drives his truck back to the farm to get more pumpkins because he's run out of them.
How many pumpkins did he have in the truck to begin with?

The Answer is 15

The only winner was the persistent Val, who therefore wins the genuine Lego pitchfork.

DB
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AUTUMN QUESTION
This is not a contest

What event over the past year changed your life, a lot or a little?

Autumn is moving along.
Only 6 answers so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

I eagerly await your answers.
DB
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Cats

Love, and do what you like.

Saint Augustine
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There was an acting teacher named Michael Shurtleff who would say that the first thing an actor should look for in his character is the love. Where is the love? It could be love for another person, for a family, a job, a career, a hobby, a house, a pet or oneself. Wherever the love is everything else relates to it.


I knew a woman who lived in a big, beautiful house in Southern California with lots of land around it. She had a husband, two grown children and a lot of animals. There was a stable with two horses. In the house was a singing bird of some sort, a tank of tiny fish and a small, sweet dog. Outside the house there were 22 cats. That's not a misprint. 22.

Only one of those cats ever came into the house. The rest lived in the trees and bushes around the property. I was visiting her one day at feeding time. She would mix up a big tub of food, take it outside and put it here and there on some wooden boards in a corner of the property. The cats came from everywhere, out of the trees, from around corners, up out of the ground for all I knew.

She never gave names to any of them although she recognized them all. But one of them was called Trouble because that's what he was. He was definitely the bully of the group and the other cats stayed away from him.

But he got into a serious fight with something because one day he should up at feeding time with a very badly wounded eye. No one could get near Trouble, so it was impossible for her to take him to the vet. She called the vet and explained the problem. He told her to come over and he would give her something to help.

What he gave her was a powder to mix with the food that put all the cats, including Trouble, to sleep for a while. So she walked through a yard full of sleeping cats, picked up Trouble, put him in a box and drove him to the vet. The vet removed his eye, cleaned him up, kept him for a few days and then she came and got him.

When she got home and let him out of the box he took off. But he was back the next day at feeding time.

She loved those cats.
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DB - The Vagabond
Never give up.
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SUMMER QUESTION

Summer is moving along, people.

It's a long, hot, sticky summer, so here's a hot, sticky question for you. Don't let the recent New York State decision rob you of your thunder.

Same sex marriage. Should it be legal or not? If so, why? If not, why not?

dbdacoba@aol.com

Only 13 answers so far.

You have until the last day of summer, but don't dally.
I eagerly await your answer.

DB
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The Joy Of Music, The Music Of Joy

The only obstacle to realeasing joy is the unwillingness to express love for someone or something.

Arnold Patent
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I was doing a play in central Massachusetts one summer. A friend in New Hampshire, David, who had heard me on the radio but had never seen me perform on the stage drove down to see it. After the performance we went out for a beer with a few of the cast. David jokingly said "I don't know how much they're paying you but it's too much because you're having too much fun."

One of the silliest things some directors will say, at the end of the rehearsal period when there's nothing left but to perform it, is "Have fun with it." Of course, unless it's a stupid play, in which case it probably wouldn't be done, or unless the director has messed it up, we are going to have fun with it. We enjoy the work. If we didn't we wouldn't do it because it's very difficult, if it's done right.

Over the years I have tried to share my love of music and my joy in hearing it. I don't understand why people who can enjoy popular music run and hide when a concert of classical music is about to happen. I have tried, oh how I've tried, to get friends interested in opera and orchestral music. They are usually polite but unresposive.

I have a preference for classical music, of course, but that's mainly because it stretches over a period of 600 years. I started out as an opera lover, but gradually my ears and my head opened up to include all kinds of music and I soon realized that's what a true music lover does. I was a Beatles fan at the same time I was a Beethoven fan. I remember one day amazing a young woman when I started to sing "Fist there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is." She was surprised that I knew about Donovan. "Of course I do" I said.

Today I enjoy jazz, rock, folk, country. I even have a distant relative who was a country music entertainer, Dr. Humphrey Bate and his Possum Hunters. Google them if you don't believe me.

It's a question of developing a taste for quality and expression. Some friends and I went to the Newport Jazz Festival at Carnegie Hall one year. Some of the world's best musicians came and jammed through one song for hours. Davis, Gillespie, Mulligan, Garner (one of my favorites) A rock musician who is a master guitarist is a joy to hear. I remember seeing and hearing a duet played by George Harrison and Eric Clapton, Their differences were not apparent in their music, or maybe it was resolved in the music. I came of age during the folk music revival when there was Pete Seeger and the Weavers, Joni Mitchell, Jesse Winchester, The Dillards. Country Music was taught to me by a former girl friend and I learned to love Doc Watson, Vassar Clements. I used to live in Inwood, which is the northern tip of Manhattan Island. When I crossed Broadway I was in Little Dominica, my bank was over there. On the way there was a music store. In the good weather the owner put out a speaker on which he played Salsa music. Salsa if you don't know it is music of joy and life. I loved to stop and listen along with the local folks. The late, great Tito Puente was a graduate of Julliard School, which meant he analyzed Bach fugues, composed traditional music, learned to play percussion and to conduct before he graduated.

I have written before about one of the most exciting concerts I ever was fortunate enough to attend. It was in the band shell, Damrosch Park, Lincoln Center, New York. where I saw and heard Percy Sledge and the Uptown Brass. It was an hour of pure love and joy. I will never forget it.

So, with all this great music around why do people shy away, get tight lipped and start looking for their coats to get away from classical music, why are they intimidated by it, or why do they think it's boring and not for them? It's music after all. "I don't understand it." If you listened to the Berg Lyric Suite as often as you listen to the Rolling Stones you would come to understand it and like it. If you knew the Bach B minor Mass, Mozart's Don Giovanni, the late Beethoven String Quartets, Wagner's Parsifal, the Shostakovich Symphony No. 5, Stravinski's Rite of Spring and Schoenberg's Verklarte Nacht, just to name a few, you would know music like I know music.

"So much of that modern stuff just sounds like a lot of noise." It's only noise because you are not hearing what you expect to hear and so not hearing what's there. I wouldn't subject you to Webern, Berio, Stockhousen or Carter before you're ready but I can promise you once you have broken down the obstacles you have erected for yourself between you and any form of new and old music a whole world of expression, fascination, entertainment and joy will open up.

I love music, and that is one of the main sources of joy for me.

Dana Bate
The Vagabond
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SUMMER QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)

Who are the 2 (two) most important people alive today? Why?

Only 6 responses so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you.
DB
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Wondrous Wishing 8/10/09

Love ought to be a struggle of desire toward adventures whose nobility will fertilize the soul.

Rebecca West
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Good Monday to you.
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Hurry and get....
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St. Paul wrote "The love of money is the root of all evil." George Bernard Shaw wrote "The lack of money is the root of all evil." Both of those remarks mean the same thing. We desire what we lack and need, or what we think we do, and that desire is one kind of love. So what's so evil about it?

Whenever I was booked into a new town, after I was shown my quarters, I had to find 2 things. 1 the nearest ATM and 2 the nearest grocery store. That way my creature comforts would be taken care of and I could start thinking about the job. My real desire was to work on the play I was hired to do and not much else, so I didn't want anything else to get in the way of that, such as running out of coffee.

The desire for money is one of the fundamental facts of our existence. Without money we can't live and prosper. So naturally money is an item on everyone's wish list. The problem, the evil, comes when people stop there. "I want to be wealthy." Okay, Zap! you're wealthy. Now what?

Growing up poor I never developed the middle class man's respect for money. I saw survival happen without any. And since there was no money around to think about, my love went toward a different kind of wealth. Music, art, literature, ideas, people became my investments.

Don't get me wrong, financial security is a great thing and I was glad whenever I had any. But I'm also glad my upbringing allowed me to think beyond that. Some people stop with money. They desire more money and it keeps going until they have more wealth than they can use or deserve.

The really great adventures in life are dangerous, they require risks, not financial risks but personal risks. Exploration, discovery, development of great ideas, romance in its highest sense, creation of joy and beauty, dwelling out on the cusp of human ingenuity and knowledge, learning to understand oneself, gaining wisdom and imparting it, finding and demonstrating man's highest noble capabilities. That's love.

DB -Vagabond Journeys
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May the summer critters all be nice to you.
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Lying fellows advertising backward town. (9)

Gentle Groan 8/29/09

If you have love in your life, you have life.

Bernard Goetz
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'Lo.
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Most of my life I knew nothing about love. I still don't, but I'm beginning to get an inkling. It takes being alone for a long time to teach you how important other people are in your life. I've been essentially alone now for about 15 years. For 5 or 6 of those years I was in New York City, so there was plenty of human contact, but no one to come home to. For the past 9 years I've been living here where if I don't go to the market I see no one at all. Sometimes I sit downstairs and wait for the mailman just so I can say hello to somebody.

I maybe feel capable of loving someone now, but I don't feel capable of doing anything about it. Living alone also makes one self-centered and habitual in so many ways. I don't think I could seriously change my behavior to suit anyone, nor do I suppose anyone would put up with me, I have lapsed into eccentricities, ideosyncracies and stasis. My enthusiasm for life is tempered by having to rest up after every single task.

But I'm slowly beginning to learn about care, compassion, comradeship, sharing, thinking about someone and including them in my life. That's all theoretical, of course, because there's no one else here.

It was suggested that I go down to the senior center and make friends. I went there and watched the same old women play bingo and listened to the same old men tell the same old stories of what they did in the great war. I may be a senior citizen, but I'm not an old man. Oh, alright, I'm an old man.

Someone said I should get a pet. I signed a no pet lease. Even so, a dog won't do. Being on the 3rd floor there's no easy access for taking it out. It would probably poop on the carpet before I got my clothes on. A cat could get out but it would no doubt fight with the feral cats that rumble over the roof at night. I thought of getting a giraffe. She could chew on the leaves of the trees outside the window. But she'd probably go and get pregnant and then what would I do. I thought of a platypus, they're cool. But I hear they like water and I don't have a bath tub. I could get an iguana but I really don't care for reptiles all that much. I'll just have to settle for the fly that whispers in my ear and kisses my face.

"To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone" wrote Suzanne Gordon. I might as well face it, I'm a misfit. I belong with the misfits, wherever you are. Maybe there I can discover love.

DB
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Sing a summer song.
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Lost-and-Found Love 4/16/09

The one that I love, I wish to be free - even from me.

Anne Lindbergh
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Hi folks, When I try to click on a journal it frequently freezes and won't release unless I log off and reboot. So if I'm not reading you, that's the reason - until I get it fixed.
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Years ago I was very much in love with a woman who fascinated and chromed me. She was beautiful. There was color and fragrancy to her thinking, a warm compassion for nature and the world around her and a great appreciation for art and music.

We shared a love of opera, religion, humor and community. She completely stole my heart and I loved her very much. I knew her parents well and they liked me and approved of me. Everything pointed to it being a good, healthy relationship for both of us.

But she had recently come off a bad relationship and was hurting. She was desperately in need of being loved, and went seeking it everywhere, but she had difficulty giving it. Knowing that, I tried to be compassionate and patient. I gave her a lot of freedom and space. I tried to keep my distance in order not to trouble her recovery, to be there when she wanted me, and to maintain a healthy attitude toward her, our present and our future.

I thought it was working because she would seek me out for love and comfort. I loved her so much that I would do anything for her. After several months it became clear to me that the one thing she wanted from me more than anything else was for me to go away.

One of the last times I saw here I said to her that all the things that were troubling her should leave her alone. I didn't realize at that moment I was one of those things. There was a healing process going on and I was interfering with it. In my love I wanted to make her world happier. But I learned that she had to do that for herself. She had wrapped herself in a protective emotional blanket which I was trying to unwrap before she was ready to emerge from it. Therefore, with all of my love, I was a threat.

So I stepped out of her life. I am the only one who knows the price of grief, pain and heartbreak that cost me.

A few years ago I heard that she had gotten married. I'm glad.

I've gone on to other relationships, some good, some not so good, none permanent. But that woman always has a bright place in my memory (whether she wants it or not).

DB
__________________
Find another evidence of spring today.
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Devious Developments 2/11/09

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter
Love and desire and hate:
I think they have no portion in us after
We pass the gate.

Ernest Dowson
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Howdy.
This is a controversial entry. I know it. It's because of the thinking about Dowson's verse. Enjoy.

What a tangle life is! We weep today, we laugh tomorrow. There's love on one side, hate on the other and in between them there is desire.

Saint Paul said "the love of money is the root of all evil." George Bernard Shaw said "the lack of money is the root of all evil." In my opinion both of those statements say the same thing. Tennessee Williams said "the opposite of desire is death."

We desire the things we lack and if that desire becomes strong enough it turns into love. If what we desire is a home, or a job, or a soul mate we struggle to get them because of the desire. If we are poor we struggle to get wealth because of the desire. When there is great desire, great struggle, our lives are focused on the thing we want and the obtaining of what we want. It can't be done without love.

If we don't struggle, desire and love we don't get. Sometimes the struggle is so great that we would rather give up and "pass the gate," accept the opposite of desire, stop wanting and die. Robert E. Lee once said that the reason for his long life was because he was always wanting something.

We may believe that if we die all our troubles will be over. The weeping, the laughter, the love, desire and hate will end. Dowson only thinks so. He doesn't know because as Shakespeare said it's "the undiscover'd country from whose born no traveler returns." But if our troubles are all self made who's to say that we won't be making them again on the other side, without the safe guards of families, friends and communities we have on this side.

Maybe judgement day will come when you pass the gate. But maybe not. Maybe it will come later, or sooner. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe it came one day last year when you didn't notice. What is written about you in the "Book of Life"? I squirm and shiver to think what is written there about me. But whatever it is I think it's just one big footnote.

I think I will just continue wanting the things I lack, loving the things I desire, weeping and laughing, for as long as I can.

Thank you for reading this entry.

The Vagabond Journey
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May someone give you a sparkler of joy to pass along today.

Definitive Devotion 1/14/09

Faults are thick where love is thin.

Danish proverb
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Happy Wednesday Dear One


"Faults are thick where love is thin." This little seven word proverb is amazing. It's a deep, deep well and a two edged sword.

Have you ever been relaxing on the back porch in a beautiful Spring day, or on the beach in the Summer sun, trying to set your life in order and take better care of yourself, when a friend, a family member, some one close to you who has used the words "I love you" in your direction, comes along, sits down with you and begins disrupting you with all the things that are wrong with you? I have.

Or have you ever held a microscope up to and shone a light on someone's failings under the name of tough love? I have.

Have you ever done something in secret or in private that would hurt the one you love if he or she found out about it? I have.

Or have you ever loved anyone so much that all you wanted to do was to please them, including overlooking their faults? I have.

Have you ever been the receiver of that kind of love? I have.

And have you appreciated it as much as you should have? I haven't.

Everyone has faults, even my enemies. I try to make mercy, love and forgiveness be the rule. Do I succeed? Not yet. Not always. Who does?

But the time has come to thicken the love and thin out the faults.

DB


Be jolly and smile at a stranger today.