Friday, September 17, 2010

Behind The Drape

The friendship that can cease has never been real.

Saint Jerome
How many ways have I been fooled? Let me count them. No, let me not. I'll just count one. My propensity for allowing the linen drapery to be pulled over my vision when it comes to assessing other people's character. I have written, and I believe, it is the network of friendships that keeps civilization intact. When that net is broken it needs to be repaired.

A friend is one with whom you agree and disagree, one with whom you share secrete and confidences, one with whom you can laugh and cry. A friend is one you must visit in the hospital or the prison. A friend is one who knows what's wrong with you and doesn't care. A friend is one who forgives you and whom you forgive if necessary. A friend is one who supports you in your ambitions. A friend is one who gladly shares your successes, who is not jealous of your good fortune or contented to see your failures.

I used to have a goodly collection of friends. Or so I thought. But over the years so many of them have disappeared from my life without a reason. My attempts to contact them and understand their coldness have been without response.

In one case it was someone I had known for 20 years. In another case it was people I had known for over 30 years. I thought there was real friendship there. I was fooled. The drapery finally came off and the charade was over.

The one time I broke off a relationship with someone it was unnecessary because the "friendship" was already over, in fact it had never been there. Someone I had known for decades suddenly became hostile and malignant toward me. The lies he told weren't even in disguise. There were sign posts along the way and I paid no attention to them. I was very forthright and honest with him about why I no longer considered him a friend.

But another person I knew well convinced himself I had done something to him (which I didn't do) and that I had lied about it. He would not believe me and so I was written out of his life without a word.

There are others who have gone with no explanation even though I have asked for one. I have often said that I probably like people better than they like me. In all these cases the coldness hasn't changed my feelings about them. If one of my former friends showed up at my door I would probably take him in. But now I am much more cautious about offers of friendship and professions of love. A false friend can be more hurtful than an enemy.

Now I have a small collection of friendly people thanks to Google. But I've actually only met one of them, and he's a good guy. The rest are invisible. They are behind the drapery for now. Will they be lasting friends? I hope so. Time will tell.

The lesson is to be careful about who you take into your heart as a friend. If it doesn't come back to you in a way you can believe is real keep at least an arms length between you. Call me naive but I never want to believe there is a dagger hiding behind the drapery. I'm finally growing up.

Shakespeare had the best advice, as usual: "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."

DB - The Vagabond


Let us now praise middle names.

These are the middle names of some famous and infamous wh dwellers.
Who are they?


Good luck


pacifica62 said...

Gosh what brought this about? I would like to think that you are my friend db, and although you have never met me, I would like you to consider me as being a friend to you. No ulterior motives, just the enjoyment of time spent together exchanging thoughts or ideas. I have no dagger behind the drapery and certainly I do not bite. To have a friend, you must be a friend. Thank you my friend for being a part of my evening.

DB said...

Thank you Pacifica. I do consider you a friend. You certainly have shown your worth and friendship to me. I am always glad to get your comments. I look forward to them.

DB said...

Dear Uncle Dana,
How true! My acquaintances are many but the people who are my friends can be counted on one hand!
Hope you are well...

Trees said...

Once upon a time, I became a member of blogs. It was my very fine fortune to find your blog through my dear friend Linda in Washington state. No I have never met you, but have talked to you on the phone. From that one conversation, I know that we became friends that day, and even before through our blogs. A friend to me is one who does the things you mentioned in your posting, most importantly a friend is one who always stands by even if you dont see them for a long time and in fact may never meet in real time. I have a few such friends on here whom I have known for a good number of years, I some day hope to meet some of them at least, some I have. It would be my great pleasure to one day meet you Db, a person who I have considered a mentor, a friend from the start. Behind the drapery and in front of it, I am me Trees, no daggers, just a hand reaching out to say hi I am proud to know you Db.

Ally Lifewithally said...

DB I would like to think we are friends we can laugh together and cry together and come out at the end still friends ~ Ally x

Ally Lifewithally said...

DB I would like to think we are friends we can laugh together and cry together and come out at the end still friends ~ Ally x

Arlene (AJ) said...

DB I sure hope you consider me a friend, we've never met, but have had some great back and forth e-mails. I truly accept you as one of my friends as I hope you consider me a friend of yours, one who enjoys reading your blog words, accepts you as you are from the words you write, won't ever judge you, because friends don't do that to each other. May we each always think of each other with a smile on our faces.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

True friendship is not fleeting, and can be counted on. Sorry that the wool has been pulled over your eyes in the past. Perhaps you can now truly see.