Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Don't Count The Drops

When I discover who I am, I'll be free.

Ralph Ellison
Understanding ourselves is a formidable task. It's easier to count the rain drops in a storm. What makes it so hard is the vast tool shed we have of ways and means to avoid finding out and facing the truth about ourselves. Excuses, justifications, pretences, opinions and simple harmless lies are among them. Some things about ourselves are hard to face so we don't face them and eventually they slide into subconscious nooks and one day have to be dug out. Those things are beyond regret, so they are safe in their hiding places.

But they can't hide forever. During the past 4 days while folks were kicking up, beach combing and barbecuing I went through a deep dunk of solitary introspection which resulted in two things. One, it gave me a big eye opening realization about myself. And two, it sent me into an obscure night of the soul during which I felt like a pile of uncollected crud.

There isn't one particular nasty deed from my past but a whole string of them based on a particularly bad character trait that I didn't even realize I had. That flaw in my person accounts for a great many things I did wrong. I realize they were wrong but was unable to tell why I did them until yesterday.

I can't go back and apologize to all the people I must have hurt. I don't even remember some of them. I can't return and dry the tears of those who wept. I can't even dry my own tears. What's done is done.

The best thing to do now is to be grateful that this knowledge about myself finally came to the surface, to see the impulses and urges in me that caused the behavior and to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past.

One can watch his life go by like a magic lantern show, forever repeating the same fantasies or one can welcome the liberating light when it comes and resolve to live in it. It's better than counting rain drops, or tear drops.

Dana Bate
The Vagabond
(This is not a contest.)

Who are the 2 (two) most important people alive today? Why?

Only 7 responses so far. Summer is about to close her gates. Get with it. Don’t be left out in the heat.

Thank you.


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Self realization can be a powerful thing.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

We can never go backward in life. Most of the time I just try to take it moment by moment and make the most of it. I hope all your moments are good ones.

Arlene (AJ) said...

What has happened in the past can't be changed DB, but learning from it can be a positive move in the right direction. We've all wished we would have done something in a different manner, that's part of being human. Don't let the past bring you down, learn from it.....your post I believe and what you realized was a positive one for you.