Whimsical Wisdom 4/01/09

Seven days without laughter makes one weak.

Mort Walker
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Hi. I am the April Fool
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I wake up with a cheerful attitude, ho hum, another day. I stagger around a bit, make some coffee, drink it, find out what time it is, what day it is and start some music playing, The Chipmunks Greatest Hits.. Then I sit down at my desk and look at the problems that face me. Oh, dear. Alas and alack. Woe is me. How will I ever get things done and straightened out? It's no use trying. All is lost. I give up.

But then my brain starts working. The coffee is kicking in. It's that good old Brazilian Jungle River brew. After my bowl of gruel and molasses, I feed the animals I have to feed them right away so the kangaroo won't pee on my foot. The giraffe has not been eating well lately. I hope she's not pregnant. I'll have to take her over to the vet one of these day. He's a herpetologist, but I guess he could treat a giraffe if he had to.

Then I call Hong Kong, Moscow and The Vatican to collect my messages, pay my sky diving instructor's bill, another month's rent on my dinghy, just a few more payments on the mortgage and I'll own my blimp outright. I answer a few letters and dash off a note to Obama, he's expecting it, Then it's time to take the armadillo out for his walk. That takes a long time. He's very slow and has to stop and smell every damn thing. If I try to rush him he gets nasty. You don't want to rile an armadillo.

I don't have time for a proper lunch so I mash up one of last year's Easter eggs and make a sandwich. It's a shame because they're so pretty. After lunch I ponder what I'm going to write in my journal for today, do some reading from the ancient texts and make some notes on my sleeve.

Oh, no! I just remembered I have to make cookies for tomorrow's Sack Race Festival. Well, I'll just have to put up the Christmas lights another day. It's only April after all, they can wait. I must remember the Pick Your Own Forsythia Weekend coming up. The Everhollow Banjo Band will entertain, if it doesn't rain. After the cookies are made it's time for my dinner: baked squid with radish sauce and a piece of onion pie, if there's any left.

Before I forget I have to decide what I'm going to write in my weekly column for "Denture News." I hitch up the warthog to the wheel and get him walking to generate enough electricity to get my computer on, and since a lot of my usual correspondents have gone to sleep for a year or two, I sit down to see what my blogspotter friends have been up to.

Well, I see Larry's back in jail. Clyde and Gracie have gotten married again for the fourth time. Wow! Jasmine won $5 in the lottery. Congrats Jasmine. Way to go girl! Aw, Clarissa finally ran off with her pastor, may heaven bless them. Bruno drove his truck into the Wabash River, Come on Bruno, learn to drive. Mary Loo writes that the Holy Cross Bingo Hall was raided by the police again last night. And Miss Foo Foo has fleas. Sounds like a normal day.

Now for my journal. What famous quote should I use? Ah, I have it. "East is East and West is West." That ought to get them thinking.

It's been a full day.
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DB Vagabond Foolishness.
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May you hear the bluebird sing today.
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