Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Friendship

We love those who know the worst of us and don't turn their faces away.

Walker Percy
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I think there ought to be a manifesto connected with every friendship. Not a catalogue of things you expect from a friend but an unwritten document, based upon as much self knowledge as you have and can admit to yourself, that states "this is who I am and if you are my friend you will accept me as who I am and I will do the same for you." Another part of that manifesto should read "I may not be who you think I am and you may not be who I think you are, but we can both learn more about each other."

I have lost friends over the years and it always confuses me when I see them depart from me. There is never a reason given, a real reason, but it was likely to be something selfish on their part. They didn't get from me what they thought I would give or they got tired of pretending to be my friend. Maybe the so-called friendship was based on some shared interest that has faded. Whatever the reason I think friendship should be based on love that rides over the circumstances and keeps two people attached by an invisible thread as strong as a steel cable.

This I learned from my own experience. I think about people I once knew that I loved and admired. They were friends of mine and yet they aren't in my life any more. Why not? I know one very good reason. I tried to be the person they thought I was and wanted to be and I failed. Another good reason is that they became not the people I thought they were. The only time I actively broke off a friendship it was with a clear explanation of that person's belligerence and malignancy toward me. An unexpected result of my having the wrong opinion of them.

I believe it is the network of friendship that keeps civilization together. That net should never be broken and it can't be if friends don't turn on or away from each other.

I thought yesterday of starting a new journal labeled "Where are you?" and listing all the people I used to know and liked who have disappeared. I tried to locate a few on Facebook to no success. But I will bet some of them might still be close friends if the pieces could be picked up and joined again.

I don't want to lose friends by being who I am. But if it must be then it must be. I'm not going to change who I am to fit someone else's glove and I don't want anyone else to do that for me. We can love and accept each other for who we are, wrinkles and all, if we try. You got a problem with that?

DB - The Vagabond
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SUMMER QUESTION
(This is not a contest.)

Who are the 2 (two) most important people alive today? Why?

Only 5 responses so far.

dbdacoba@aol.com

Thank you.
DB
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4 comments:

pacifica62 said...

I feel I am very fortunate to have a few good friends in my life and many have been there for a long, long time. There are those too, who have woven themselves into and out of my life because common interests are no longer there, because of distance, because of work changes or simply because we grew apart and the relationship suffered from neglect. Aquaintances who would never accept me for who I am, or who I could not accept as they were or for whom I had big expectations ---- well those people never became my friends. My friendships went past all those superficial things to a different level. I am very comfortable with the friends I have in my life. I don't feel that there is any need to prove anything to them at any time. We are who we are with all the scratches and dents, with all the cracks and wounds and sometimes, for decades, it has all just seemed to work. None of my friends live in the same city as I do so we don't see each other very often and it really makes no difference. I feel very fortunate to have a good friend and to be a friend.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

If you cannot be yourself, how can you ever be something for someone else?

Liz said...

I am your friend on blogger.
I am a friend from across the pond.
I have listened to your words and heard the truth in them.

I have also heard a soul crying out for support.
Anyone who hears that will always be with you.

You seek more and search on Twitter etc. because you cannot feel the touch that would complete your life.

Sometimes we must reduce the gross input to recocognise the small influence that will take us eventually to our destination.
Just as the rain falls yet finsally reaches the sea.

Beth said...

It's been my experience that many acquaintances come and go. People get busy with life and pull away. I generally don't get upset about this, because I know it happens. However, there are a few people we meet along the way that will always be a part of our lives. I have friends from college who I might see only once every few years; but when we do see each other, it's as though it was just yesterday that we parted. I'm fortunate in that I'm in contact with these friends on Facebook.

Also, sometimes people choose to drop out of their relationships and may not want to be found. I accept that, too.