Monday, March 12, 2012

The Fire

You need your passions.

Daniel Goleman
Hello Marty
No, I haven't lost my mind. No, I haven't taken leave of my senses. No, haven't flipped out. I have turned over a new leaf. And what did I find under it? A fire.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes the reason is to teach a lesson that you should learn without being told. The less attention you pay to life's conditions the harder the lesson is when it comes. One of those things that should be learned is how to value yourself.

When I first came to this town eleven and a half years ago I came with a mission. I had an important project to do. Alas, it turned on it's heels and disappeared within six months. But I had an apartment and a lease so I tucked myself in and stayed. After all it was quieter here than in New York City where I had been living. The people seemed nice. The rent was good. Why not stay? That's when I lost my mind.

I began to read, paint and write, turning out a vagabond journey almost every day. I thought I was alive. It didn't matter that the only intelligent people in my life were all at other ends of the phone or the email world. At least the mental stew was still being stirred, I thought.

Then the penultimate experience came which began to wake me up. Learning that I was living in the neighborhood of a paranoid, low level, small time, dope dealer and the cruel tactics of one of his regular customers, a mentally disturbed young woman, shook me awake. And that realization led to the ultimate experience so far.

I moved to a much nicer apartment, away from the C, and in a decent neighborhood. Once I got here I slowly began to realize just how much of a cave dweller I had been. Once the boxes started opening and the paintings were coming out of hiding along with all the things that had been safely tucked away I discovered the pilot light, the original source of the passion I had when I first came here..

I may have been temporarily robbed of my peace and freedom but the fire still burns.

DB - The Vagabond
Never Give up.


Jon said...

Once the fire has been lit, it never goes out. A heckuva lot of people will try to pee on it along the way - - but the flame is eternal!

(I'm speaking from experience)

Geo. said...

A moving post, DB. Your metaphor reminded me of the 1st time my doc took my temp with a tympanic ear thermometer and said,"Oh this? I just wanted to check your pilot light." Glad you have room for painting, projects now. I too wish to spend my golden years among good minds --but you lot are scattered over the world! Web helps with that.

pacifica62 said...

Fire. I thought you were talking about lighting up 73 candles on your birhday cake today. That would be almost a bonfire. Do something silly for yourself today db. Celebrate. Eat a cupcake, blow out a candle, sing Happy Birthday to yourself. This is the youngest you are ever going to be from henceforth. Best Wishes to you.

Dannelle said...

Lots of interesting comments! I am laughing and wishing you a good day of experiences. 73? My goodness, celebrate! Hugs and a virtual birthday cake and party!